[Light of the Angel]_11.21.2008_

Angel has returned to TBF... and this Angel means Business!
-B

Why is it that men can never appreciate when he has a
beautiful, good, nice, faithful woman by his side? Why do
men still have the need to look at the trashy looking slut
in the dance floor?

Ladies if we put in as much effort into our careers as we
do with our men, imagine that we would be millionaires! I
know I am not the only one that has felt the need to
overcompensate with their men because of our own
insecurities…right?

Sometimes I feel I have to give too much just to keep
someone happy, and I want the same in return but I end up
settling for less than what I put into a relationship
because I don’t make myself be respected. I often feel
that if I give a lot I will be liked or loved a lot. If you
are too nice to people they will come to take you for
granted or not appreciate it and step all over you.
Sometimes you must learn to say “NO!” or in some cases
“Hell No!” Even if that means coming across like a bitch
every now and then. Sh*t! if that means getting some
respect and men treating you like you deserve to be treated,
then so be it!

I think its time we ladies take over the game and I hate to
say it, but, ok, here it goes…hear me out though, we need
to act a bit more like…Men! Yeah I said it, Men!

See men don’t sit around waiting by the phone wondering
if we are going to call or what we are doing. They go out
and have fun while we females are waiting around for them.
Men don’t call you to say they miss you or ‘baby I love
you’ or no mushy shit like that, if they call you its
right to the point, and hang up. Men don’t think there is
nothing wrong with having a girl and talking to million
others at the same time. Men don’t think there is nothing
wrong with being out with your girl and flirting with other
women while she is there with you. (Shame on you men!) LOL!

So why are we females more susceptible to this type of
humiliation? Because we think too much and we care too much
and we give too much, and we respect too much, and we love
too much, bottom line; we aren’t enough like men! We wear
our feelings in our face, and we need to stop that and enjoy
life.

“Life is too short to deal with all this MEN DRAMA!”

Ladies we need to put on our sexy heals, and our
“freak’em” dress on, and go out with our girls and
have a good time, not call our men, leave them thinking for
once and just enjoy ourselves…cuz believe me when I say
this, he ain’t going to be home alone missing you, he will
probably be out with that other chick, while you are
thinking he is so into you and loves you only and blah,
blah, blah!

Lets wake up girls and treat ourselves with respect, love
ourselves, show our men what we are WORTH, and if they are a
good man and worth holding on to, they will value you and
treat you like a trophy worth winning. If they don’t then
Fuck him, and move on…There is plenty of more men in the
sea to be stuck on a loser!

Angelkissess

Angelkissess quote “Believe Me, I am someone you will
regret losing…I promise!”

Disclosures:

By the way I am talking about the good woman that treat
their man right (and get treated like dirt), by far am I
saying all woman are this way, hell no some are just
straight up sluts! (And by the same token, not all men are
this way either, but the ones I have come across are, or
some of my girls)

_Soundboard_[05.20.2008]

Who missed me?

Anyway I'm still sorting things out, but I am making major breakthroughs and I know once I stop seeing that freaky 6ft. rabbit around me 24/7 then I should be writing again.. Though the thumb sucking? That might stay...

Anyway this is not about me, It's about our dear miss Angel. Angel has started her own page devoted to showcasing all of her works (Poetry, Novels, Commentaries, etc.) and naturally we here at TBF gladly show our support by promoting the hell out of it and posting the appropriate links in our "Friends of the Factor" section. So if you love poetry, if you love getting immersed in novels of the heart and soul or if you love TKO then we got the place for you.... http://angelkisses1.blogspot.com/

Until Next Time,
- B

_TKO_ Afterthought

It’s been a while since I had the chance to write my column, I recently had a death in the family which led to various unfortunate events.

Well first this is only a short revisit to my previous columns, I still don’t have a clear mind to sit down and write new columns. With that being said, I want to first clarify that the past columns you have been reading were all “pre-written” by me back in around August of 2007 when Brian first ask me to write for his Brian Factor. I do want to take the time to say that even though I do stand by my thoughts and what I write, I cannot change the fact that being in a relationship (or in life in general) does not allow you to feel the same way everyday, your opinions, thoughts and everything changes on a day to day basis. So with that being said, I cannot be held accountable for if one day I am writing on the beauty of love and the next I am cursing out my husband. I am human, I don’t pretend to be someone I am not, so don’t expect me to be robotic, I am not pre-program to feel one way for ever, that is why I agreed to write on this column, because I wanted a place to share my way of thought, how I viewed things my way, per my experiences, per what I live day by day, needless to say, I do not intend to insult no one with my thoughts or comments, but you guys have to understand that this is my column, just as Brian can express himself as he wishes, I have the right to do so as well, as you guys do too, just remember I am a female, and what I say will be as my point of view of things, that does not generalize all men into one category, (as I was accused by a reader sometime in January). What I can say if the male readers out there have a problem with my columns or about the way I express my point of view as a woman, then write a column with a man’s point of view. That would be very interesting to see how men think about relationships, it is something that a lot of women think about everyday (“what in the world is he thinking about?”).

I appreciate any kind of feedback, good or bad, both are fine with me, I am still trying to get back into writing, so for now, I just want to thank anyone who reads and appreciates my column, and thank you for your feedback, it lets me know that at least someone is reading my column.

Angel

TKO: 1/17/08

Money, money, money!

Why is it that when things seem to be going great financially in a relationship everything else seems to fall into place, but the second that money is tight, the relationships does a 180 turn and the fights and arguments begin. You begin to fight about everything, like which bills are more important than others, and of course the man always wants to pay the cable bill before anything else. God forbid they cut the cable, all hell will break loose. Women, we want the rent paid, and car note, and food, we are more sane especially when you have kids, because when you are single you guys can live in a studio, or with roommates and eat out and not care about major expenses, but when you have kids, cable my ass, (now I do love having that cable, especially the DVR, to record all my shows)

But it does not come first to grocery or PG&E, or the car note. Come on guys, what is wrong with you men. It is not going to kill you to miss football for a month or so till you get you sh*t back on track.

Personal experience, for instance when rent is paid, bills are current, food is on the table, and there is some spare change to go around, everything is good and gravy in my marriage. But on the other hand, when we get behind on bills, and rent etc, we cannot stand each other at times. Is it then true when they say “money is the root of all evil?” or should it perhaps be, the
absence of money is what causes people to turn into a lets say “evil-ish” way. I don’t know why but I got to admit that it is hard for me to be without money. If you ask my husband what is it that I need to be happy(besides my family and health), his answer will be “money”. I don’t know it just puts a smile on my face when I have some on my hands. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a materialistic person. I just like to have something to show for all the hard work I put at my job, now come on, wouldn’t anyone agree that no one likes to live paycheck to paycheck.

I just like knowing that things are paid for, and that we can go out to a movie or dinner without checking at the prices or having to resort to McDonald’s and a blockbuster movie. (Not that there is anything wrong with that either) I just like to have my cake and eat it too.

I can say growing up was nothing but hard times, I was raised by a wonderful single mother or four, my mother installed in me great work values, and she taught me that even though she was single and made less than minimum wage. She still paid rent, and put food on the table and clothes on our back without resorting to the Government for help. So money was tight and I did not have designer clothes, we ate rice and beans.. a lot, and when/ if we were lucky, we would have some meat. That is why I take every effort into working hard, and doing everything I can to make sure that my kids will never be hungry, that we have a roof over our head, (even if it’s a bathroom at a train station {shout out to Will Smith for his fabulous performance in "Pursuit of Happiness"}) my mother worked her ass off for 20 years making 6 dollars an hour and all she has to show for it is an injury and disability.

Both me and my husband work hard to be able to buy our kids the designer clothes, to get the name brands at the grocery store (not have to eat the imitation brand just to save some pennies, you guys know that imitation or generic brand mostly tastes like @$#*) and also be able to take them out and spend time with them, (of course when we can, because we are not rich). But like I said before, just as money can make me happy, not having it can make me upset, because I don’t want to feel like a failure, I don’t want to feel that I could not provide for my kids, that we can't go out because rent is not paid, now we got to worry about how rent is going to get paid, you know what I mean. (that is the worst feeling in the world)

That is why I want to be able to have something, many things to show for my hard work and my husband's, there is no right or wrong in it, to me it's survival, and if you can enjoy life while doing so then there you are, you made it, you don’t have to have a million dollars to be happy, just enough to have fun and give your kids everything in life you did not have when you were growing up. I want to give my kids a better life, I want to prepare them for greatness, and I want to give them a little taste of success by spending a little extra on their clothes, taking them out, showing them and teaching them that if you work hard you can afford to do these kinds of things. Nothing in life is free, you have to earn every penny, and know how to turn that penny into a dollar, that is the only way in life, strive to be the best and never settle for nothing less than that.

Until next time,

Angel

TKO: "Enough is Enough or For Ever and Ever"

"Enough is Enough or For Ever and Ever"

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I was wondering how much do you put up with in a relationship, until you say enough is enough. How much can a person take and endure before you can justify the relationship coming to an end? I know it’s a big difference when you are in a relationship than when you are in a legal binding marriage. I am a firm believer that you must exhaust all your resources before calling it quits. When I made my vows I made them to God and my husband, so for me personally, divorce is not an option. At least I am going to try my hardest for it not to be.

But generally speaking, marriage can be a great challenge. Its amazing how much a couple can endure, and still come out from all those trials stronger and better than ever. Then there is others that as soon as a gray cloud comes their way, they pack out and say peace! Not everyone can handle marriage, to be married or even committed to someone you have to be strong. Marriage is not for the weak at heart, and it is not for people who come into it thinking “if it does not work out then I will just get a divorce”, people with that kind of mentality are the same type of people that will quit a job because they messed up, or will stop talking to their best friend because of a misunderstanding, they are the type of people who do not like to be confrontational. They rather run away from the situation and pretend like it never happen. These type of people do not want to even risk getting hurt.

Now some may say what is wrong with not wanting to be confrontational, why do people have to argue, and I agree. We should not have to argue in order to get our point across, but we should discuss it, and not act as it never happened. That is not a healthy way to live your life. You cannot walk away from something that is suppose to last just because of you, you must have tried to make it work, otherwise it is just being selfish. Now there is two things I acknowledge as being sufficient enough to leave, one is infidelity, and the other is abusive relationship, neither should be tolerated unless you both are willing to work it out, then that is on you, but I can see how that is a “its over” situation.

But really, if you married someone, is it really worth ending the marriage just because of arguments or disagreements, does it not make sense to work out these things? Why are people so quick to want to leave when times get hard? What happened to forever, or till death do us part?

Me and my husband have been together for 10 years and married for 8. We have had our ups and downs and we have encountered a variety of trials along the way. But thankfully we are on the same page when it comes to trying to make it work as long as we can, we don’t believe in divorce, although I have to admit, the idea of it, sometimes lingers around my mind, mainly because it gives a fast solution to my problems that I have not yet learn to deal with on my own. But what will that do, just create a numerous amount of more problems because I love my husband, and I don’t want to divorce him, I don’t want to break up our family, and I know we both make an effort to work things through. So it is easy to feel that you want an easy way out, but I think the best way is to just stay and work it out, I mean, he or she already knows all your likes, and dislikes, your flaws and everything about you, why go through the hassle about having to meet someone new and start over with a stranger. I know every circumstance is different than mine is, we have just gone through too much, that there is nothing that we cannot handle together. As long as we love each other then we should always try to make it work. Otherwise I will just become the person that ran away. I have been there done that, I am trying to change, and I feel that 10 years of sticking by my man, is a great start in changing the “I could run away from anything” mentality. (plus my husband has put up with me too, I am not easy to live with) so a relationship or marriage is a two way street, we must learn to tolerate but most importantly respect each other, and our differences, its not easy, but who ever said that is was going to be? If it was so easy more people would be married and stay married. So I just learn to value what I have at home, and boy I am a blessed woman.

Well until next time.

Angel.

TKO - 11/08/07

Do you remember the time:

Why is it that at the beginning of a relationship everything is so great? Both persons want to be around each other all the time; the man compliments his woman constantly, and may bring her flowers to woo her off her feet, take her out to dinner, movies et, then after a while or when the relationship gets serious all those things start to fade away.

I hear this from my friends, who are in serious relationships or married, and they all have experienced the ''freeze point" where their relationships have become at one point or another boring. (Yeah I said it, boring) I mean men think that just because they have a ring over a woman's finger that it means they no longer have to be attentive or cater to their woman, now this goes for woman too. (Sorry girls but you know it's true). We get so caught up in our every-day-to-day things that we really lose track of our partner.

I will be the first to admit, being a mother of three is not easy, and it is so easy to get caught up in the diaper-changing, burping, feeding, making sure that my daughter doesn't hit my baby in the head with a hammer, (well you get the picture) every day life, that I often fall short of taking time to spend with my husband; I mean I am a full time working mother and wife. I have so many responsibilities and not enough hours in the day to fulfill them, without something falling short. Luckily (or maybe not) my husband is too busy watching sports or taking about sport on the phone or playing sports on line to notice that we hardly spend time together.

But seriously both me and my husband realized that we were stuck in this every day routine and we were used to it. Now we have come to terms that we need to stay focus in our purpose, and know that our relationship comes first to everything else, we have even started going out more and taking the kids out a lot more, just knowing how to separate the difference between "family time" and "alone time". We have had a great summer and our marriage is only gotten better. So the moral of my point today is, when a relationship gets stale, throw it out like bread, no just kidding, talk about it with each other, and come to an agreement. Just remember compromise is key, for example if he wants to watch football on Sundays then join a church so that he has to go to church on Sundays, no, in all seriousness girls, if he watches sports on Sundays then compromise that Saturdays are for the both of you to go out, and fellas if your lady says I want to go to dinner and you take her, turn off you dam cell phone, I mean what is the point of going out to dinner if you phone is ringing off the hook with your lonely friends calling you to talk about sports. Soon enough you both will begin to enjoy being with each other all over again, if and only if you respect each others needs and wants.

Till next time.

Angel

T.K.O- Trust

Trust and betrayal, two very powerful words, and when used together they do not acquire a positive outcome but rather a bitter, hurtful handful rage of emotions.

Isn't it funny how our thoughts work (the way we think)? Not only do our thoughts affect how we feel but also dictate what mood we are in. Our thoughts become an overwhelming physical energy that we allow ourselves to create whether for good or bad. The thing we need to do is to be aware of those thoughts so that we are in charge of them rather than having our
thoughts be in charge of us. For example, if your partner betrays you, and all you can think about is "he is the worst person in the world and I am the poor victimized party", not only will you be blinded to all the things leading up to the betrayal but you will also be blinded to many of the roads leading away from it. Therefore you will be locked inside a prison of your own making!

I got to admit, I have struggled a lot to learn and accept that part of trusting means that it can many times comes hand in hand with betrayal. I trust to the point of having faith in my partner. Faith to include: this person will never hurt me, this person will secure my heart in his hands and protect it from everything and everyone (including himself), that I will be put first no matter the circumstance. I trust that he won’t make me cry or cause me pain. But trust is not always like we expect it to be. Sometimes for instance a relationship can get so stale that some form of betrayal or a major eye opener needs to take place in order to wake up the marriage/relationship. I know that long term relationships often fall into the "comfort zone" we get to the place when our image or pleasing the other person no longer matters. We allow the every day life to take first place in our life, leaving our partner to feel "taken for granted".

Maybe that is why men seek to find someone else to pay attention, or woman begin to seek other man’s compliments, with our without the intention to cheat but rather to find that missing aliment that they had when the relationship started.

Now comes the dangerous part, take for example, a married couple grows apart, and the relationship becomes "stale". Then the bored husband begins to be too "playful" or "friendly" towards someone else maybe even with someone from his work, thinking their partner will never find out but the partner does find out. The wife has caught on to what has happened and betrayal takes place. Especially when the wife has been totally faithful and has never disrespected the relationship in that kind of way. Does it matter that the partner to blame was not unfaithful per say. Meaning he did not sleep with another woman or touched her (men always say that). But they might have crossed the line. After all crossing the line can signify anything. Cheating is not always sleeping with someone, it can be as innocent as private emails, or anything that is concealed to the other party it is a form to me of betrayal of trust. After all if it does not mean anything then why hide it?

The hardest questions after a betrayal is asking yourself are you willing to trust enough to continue to love in the face of betrayal. Is that relationship worth saving and if so are you willing to forgive? All hard questions to face. Each answer is unique to each individual circumstance, depending on the level of betrayal, the relationship status, kids etc.

A really close friend of mine told me once, if you are going to forgive then you must forgive and forget and never talk about what happened again. Otherwise it's better to let him go, if you cannot let "it" go. That really got to me and as I contemplated about it more I realize she was right. Sometimes we say "If I let it go and forgive him and not bring it up no more, its like saying that what he does is ok" so we want to keep him on the hook to remind him of what he did and how he hurt us. But at the same time in order to keep him on the hook we have to stay there with him, suffering and in pain because you want to remind him that he hurt you over and over, and in doing so you cannot allow your self to heal.

Personally when I have been betrayed in the past (I am talking pre marriage, I was always lucky enough to pick all the cheaters) I would clam up and hold everything in. I was reluctant to tell anyone about my pain (besides my sister [who has been my best friend since childhood]). I would hold on to the situation and re-enact it in my mind as to punish myself, thinking I was to blame for being cheated on. I would put on a tough face for everyone (which was really hard) but I was hurting inside.

Nowadays I believe that you should just let it out, talk to people about it, if you don’t have someone to talk to then just write out your feelings (like I am doing with my column), just let it out, don’t hold back your feelings, they will only fluctuate into a monster that will attack you when you least expect it.

Learning to trust again can be challenging but very worth it. Me, I took a chance and whether I get hurt again then that is a chance I am willing to take. I would rather have or try to have a happy marriage knowing that we are a strong family and that my kids have a happy household than to be bitter and end something not knowing if it could have worked out and destroy my family because of my insecurities and for not taking a chance to be loved or risk getting hurt once more. (That does not mean that I will have a flawless marriage, all it means that I am willing to fight for my marriage, and not give up on what God
joined together)

Like I said every circumstance is different depending on the level of betrayal. My wound did hurt a lot emotionally for months and is still lingers in my thoughts every now and then, but compared to cheating and other forms of betrayal mine is one I can forgive and a wound that has begun to heal and will close up through the passage of time.

If it is worth it to forgive then do anything and everything to make your relationship work. If it is not worth it then let that person go, why keep them around so that the both of you can be miserable. Let it go and move on, or stay and fight for what is yours (not fight literally, unless you both are into that stuff and that is a whole different subject).

If you have any comments or questions feel free to contact me at laangel1727@yahoo.com

Angel

'T.K.O./Love: (The emotional roller coaster)' - 10/10/07

TBF Presents: ''T.K.O./Love: (The emotional roller coaster)'' - 10/10/07

High Expectations

We all have expectations. However, unrealistic expectations will end up being direct paths to disappointment and unhappiness in your marriage or relationship. These include having false expectations, believing in the myths about marriage, thinking that someone else can make you happy, trying to read one another's mind, wanting to do everything together, and wanting to have a perfect marriage(trust me, there is no such thing). When these are not identified or verbalized, they can create great barriers in your marriage.

Do you ever find yourself in an argument with you man (or woman) because of high expectations? For example you feel that just because he did not make special plans for your birthday last year and you TOLD him that he better do something special for you this year, and you get disappointed when for your birthday all you get is a “happy birthday” and a blank stare. What do you do, get upset right, after all did you or did you not tell him last year that you expected him to take you out and do the whole romantic thing (when you know that you man/woman is not into all of that).

We often set ourselves to failure when we try to change the person we are with by trying to make them be who we want them to be. I fall victim to this never-ending trap myself. My husband is not into that whole “make a big deal for birthdays, and holidays” to him sadly it’s just another day. (Although I got to admit he did tell me recently that he has realized how important birthdays are and that he will try to make a more of a big deal about them because he knows what they mean to me and our kids et.) [and it only took me 10 years for him to realize this]

But you got to realize, part of why my husband is like that is because of his background, see he never grew up embracing birthdays or having celebrations over Thanksgiving, Christmas et, he was not raised in an environment like that. He has been on his own since he was 16. He lost his mother to breast cancer at that age leaving him alone to fend for himself. His father (who he was not much in touch with) died within a year after his mom. So when we met he has always been the “I don’t need anyone in my life” type of person. Basically meaning “I have been on my own all this time that I am use to being alone”. It is sad but with a wife and kids now he is realizing that he past does not have to dictate his future. The future is changeable. Now going back to “unrealistic expectations” it is important that we remember that things aren’t always going to go the way we want them to go all the time.

So what I have learned (and I apply it to my everyday life, ok I don’t but I should, and I am trying to) is to not expect things from the person you are with, that way you wont be disappointed. Now don’t get me wrong, by no means do I mean lowering your standards, what I mean is to be realistic, and respect one another’s character. If the person you are with is the same person he was when you met, then you knew what you were getting yourself into, so don’t think just because we get married he is going to automatically morph into this “idealistic” person you have in your imagination. You are setting yourself up for failure. But know this, time is the cure and the solution of all or most of any problems you will face in your relationship. With time people mature, and they can and will change (If they are willing to, you cannot change a person who is not willing to change, sometimes it takes changing your points of views). If you are not willing to stand up for this, then maybe they are not the person you should be with.

But if your relationship is worth holding on to, let me tell you it takes patience, arguments (probably lots of them), endurance and most important of all is compromise, a marriage without compromise is like a car without gas, you cannot expect to drive if your tank is on empty; likewise you cannot expect to succeed in your relationship if you are not on the same page. You have to come to an agreement even if it means to agree to disagree.

Hopefully, your expectations will include being able to lovingly resolve conflicts, to appreciate your differences as individuals, to respect and cherish one another, and to be able to discuss values and priorities. Never be afraid to talk about any subject that you have. After all, how can he meet your expectations if you expect him to read your mind? It’s not going to happen.

Until next time

Angel

State of the Factor Address

Bi-Annual State of the Factor Address

Good Day to you all,

I'd like to welcome you all to the bi-annual... (Ha ha ha! 'Bi') State of the Factor Address, Okay first off:

We pissed a lot of people off this past year and we're expecting to piss off a whole lot more. Here is a list of some of the people/organizations that we expect to piss off this year.... (Breathing Deeply)

- White People
- Black People
- Hispanics
- Asians
- Astrologists
- The City of Berkeley, CA
- The NAACP
- The ACLU
- The NRA
- Mimes
- PETA
- Greenpeace
- The National Organization of Women
- The State of Texas
- Doctors
- Lawyers
- The People that put cheese in the crust
- Big Tobacco
- CBS, Fox, ABC, Pretty much all major networks.

and oh yeah some Priests... and their Gods.


Secondly:

As usual where we really made the money this year was in (same as everybody else) Arms Sales!

Yup, who knew Canada had it in them???

Also side note: We're not taking any sides in the upcoming war between Oprah and Rachel Ray. If they want to fight each for the right to claim World Domination, that's their thing. Our job is just to sell them guns. Sorry if that adds some confusion, but I just wanted to clear the air.

Oh, and we're starting a new area this year: Opium

Yup, turns out that people are just nuts about it, they can't stop talking about it, so let's put some focus on that this year.

Thirdly:

After enough time away I've finally got the schedule just how I like it... So with out further ado.. here's how it going to go:

MONDAY: "Marie-dom" (Bi-Weekly)

TUESDAY: "Lady Temptress: Sex-ucation" (Tri-Weekly)

WEDNESDAY: "Brian's Song" (Weekly)

THURSDAY: "T.K.O./Love: [The emotional roller coaster] (Bi-Weekly)

FRIDAY: "The Brian Factor/ Echoes of The Factor" (Alternating Fridays)


...Good thing we didn't make this schedule complicated...

So in closing I just want to say that I know we're doing a great job and I hope that we just keep giving our best each and every time. cause remember: "our goal is to get the people to speak their minds!!"

So that about does it for the address, if you have any questions at all... well... tough shit. you're welcome to free cookies and milk in the conference room and our new lineup kicks off on

MONDAY OCTOBER 8th

Until Next Time,
-B