August 11, 2011


Two years ago I left feeling that all I could do was done. That the words were all said and that the sense of completion was in my hands.

Boy was I fucking wrong!

In my time away I've gone from everything to nothing to holding on to dear life for that little something in between. Like many, I sought to blame any and all, as if someone directly benefited from my suffering. To finding myself facing unfortunate and unwanted truths..

The worst truth of all was that.. The man I was two years ago is gone. More specifically that Brian is dead.. As in nature and through time natural forms of evolution occur. Adapting in any and all ways for one key reason: Survival.

For me to survive, I embraced my anger. Or to be real specific: I became any asshole to the Nth degree... I let that anger take over me because at that moment it was all I had.. Over time I found out why it was so easy to let myself be that angry. With it I could focus, with it I became more resourceful, hell with it I was able to actually wake up and get out of bed and function like an adult.. Where my head was is a dangerous place and one I'm not trying to find again. Admittedly it's what kept me here. As it were fate or test from high above more and more reasons in my life kept fueling that anger from the actions/ inactions of others to the ever continuing facet of growing pains coupled with general frustrations, responsibilities, a nagging pain in my ass, inability to deal with certain life altering changes and even a little unrequited love to act as the cherry on top...

Two years..

And to answer the question now before I get hounded about it later.."Are you ok?"

Fuck no! I'm nowhere near ok... BUT! I'M FUNCTIONAL!

Believe me when I say that there is a HUGE difference between someone who is and isn't functional...

So with that being said.. Simply put I've got this extra fire burning.. Might as well put it to some use.