February 19, 2012

The Black Boot Chronicles: "First Impressions" Post Game

I'm writing this at 4:30 in the morning, why? Cause I'm Brian M Rodriguez, dammit! That's why!

(The M stands for "Man, insomnia's a bitch!")

So a little backstory:

Back in October, Super Pinup extraordinaire, Harlean Carpenter announced plans to create and produce an eMagazine and sent a mass invite to every creative type she knew.. Plus me, asking for volunteers to help create the premere issue for this new endeavor.

I immediately threw my hat into that ring without figuring out what it involved because that's what I do.. And more importantly I do it well!

After discovering what I signed up for and especially it's theme "Love, Longing & Lust" I reacted accordingly:

•I had a panic attack,

•Followed by intermittent bouts of crying and

•Finally I ate a sandwich and contemplated..

(For the record: most fat guys, myself in particular, do some of our best thinking with a sandwich.. I'm just saying.)

After really reviewing the theme and going through both my own experiences and collected stories from others from over the years, I realized that I was more than qualified to tell this story, I just needed to find it and write like I never wrote before.. Or at least write like someone who never took three years off writing a funny-ish, satirical blog about politics & society. Oy.

I decided to stick with something both classic and more importantly, highly possible: an office hookup. Hookups at work happen, they happen for more reasons than I can count (or want to) and are definitely not exclusive to one setting. In fact in almost every job I've ever had, I've come across an average of 5-8 stories of shenanigans happening on the job ranging from "FWB", "True Love", "True Lust", "Revenge Sex" to "Eh, it's Tuesday."

One of the more difficult aspects was trying to create a story that wouldn't immediately double as a porn script. "How slutty was too slutty?", "How much detail can I give?", "Can a straight man write the word "penis" and not laugh out loud because he's emotionally 4?" I stayed up many a night trying to figure that out.

Above all else it all came back to one key facet: the girl. Writing Cassie was a slippery slope for me, if I made her too aggressive, she's a maneater. If I made her too bubbly, she's Katie Morgan.. (Research that one on your own time, kids, NSFW!)

Shows like "The Red Shoe Diaries" (Our Predecessor), "Femme Fatales" (Tanit Phoenix, yowza!) and a handful of semi bad Lifetime Movies showed that there was a way to write women without being too over the top and thus the appropriate levels of sensibility, vulnerability & sensuality came together.

Cassie has a good head on her shoulders, she met a guy while at work, felt a serious connection and decided to pursue it.

Joey wasn't looking for love, he was just trying to make it through his first day of work and not piss anybody off. He just needed a win. He met a girl who was amazing and was surprised when she showed interest in him.

Overall the hookup and subsequent relationship happens for the right reasons.. Yes, I was aiming for a happy ending, I'm a sucker for whimsy.

Writing a story and writing an article are two separate animals to me, and while I could spend up to a week writing one TBF article in segments and patience.  Writing a story is more along the lines of playing the 80's classic watch & match the colors game, Simon: Once you start, you either make it all the way to the very end or die cursing somebody else's name (i.e. The Manufacturer) as you lay dying from the eventual aneurysm you gave yourself.

I wrote down a list of useful bullet points and went straight to work, polishing a rough draft and a final draft in about 6 hours. Let it never be said I don't bust ass for you people! After I finished, I never received word if my story even made the final cut but at this point, I'm just glad I wrote something for the first time in a long time.

Harlean mentioned the next theme involved "Pain, Fear & Loss"...

Red, Blue, Blue, Yellow, Green, Green, Red... Looks like it's my move.

February 13, 2012

The Black Boot Chronicles: "First Impressions"

"What is thy Desire?" She asks..

She's riding me, making me feel more alive then I ever have. Every touch rippling through my fingers, the scent of her sweat awakening and invigorating me instantly. Our eyes lock as she whispers to me "What is thy Desire?"

I wake up.

My eyes open as the birds chirp. I looked to the clock with two minutes til the alarm rings. My first day and I beat the alarm.. I race to get ready and bolt out the door. This is a new day and hopefully the first day of the rest of my life.

I make it downtown just before 8:30 and beeline for the elevator, just when I think I'm going to miss it, a hand pops out and holds the door. I rush in and thank the stranger before I looked and saw her... She was a beautiful combination of curves and curls, 5'8 with heels and a scent that envelopes you. She looked to me and smiles, finally speaking "So where you headed?" "I'm going..?" Crap! My mind blanks but quickly regroup "17th floor, please." "No problem, My name's Cassie." She replies. "I'm Joey." I stumbled.

I immediately realize that in my rush I forgot to put my tie on and immediately race to make myself presentable. As I stagger Cassie just looks on with her smile transitioning into a smirk before she tells me to stop and leans in to grab my tie. "You're messing up. Here let me." She props up my collar and begins to put my tie around me, settling with a windsor knot. She resets my collar and says "Much better!" I thank her and as my floor arrives. She asks me "You're the new guy, right?" "Yes, I am." "Well I already know everyone here so I'll check in with you later." She says with a smile. "Great." I reply.

As with any first day I go through the motions: learn everyone's name, where everything is and of course get instructed 20 times before I even make a move of my own. As fast as I learned to picked up the motions I kept flashing back to Cassie. There was something almost mesmerizing about her. I couldn't let go of her scent or how I felt as she was helping me in the elevator, that feeling as my blood rushed and my heart pumped furiously. I had never felt like this about a girl.. At least not right away.

As I recalled our moment in the elevator I whisper her name. "You rang?" From the door, leaning against the frame. I instantly recover, feigning that I had almost forgotten her name. To which she replied sarcastically "Well I guess I'm going to have to make you remember me, won't I?" She invites me to lunch, promising in her own words "Best damn sandwich you've ever had."

Over lunch we go through the general getting to know you conversations and easily becoming fast friends and then out of left field she asks me "So you got a girlfriend?" "Nah" I replied "Afraid I got pretty burnt from the last one." I didn't want to ask or really I didn't want to hear the answer "So what about you?Boyfriend? Husband?" She surprises me with a no. She tells me "We're young, why rush to settle down?Don't you want to just cut loose and live?Sometimes you need to just go crazy and do something completely out of left field. You ever do anything like that?" She asks me.

"I'm afraid I've never really cut loose like that. It's funny cause I remember being told that by my dad. Actually he specifically said that "No matter what you do in life, that you have to do it with passion." I guess I'm still waiting for that reason to be passionate."

She smiles and asks "So do you think you could ever be passionate?" I reply without thinking "Give me the opportunity and I'll surprise you." I say in my most confident voice."I'm going to hold you to that.." Cassie says playfully.

The rest of the day passed by faster thank I anticipated, The job became second nature while I reflected on my lunch with Cassie. Soon I was the only one left on the floor when I realize it was already six o' clock. I was finishing up when I hear a knock at the door and there stood Cassie, against the door frame with her jacket in her hands just staring at me. "I was just thinking about you." I tell her, not realizing how it sounded. She lays her jacket on the nearby chair as she sauntered over to me. "Really?Funny I was thinking about you too. Well specifically something you said earlier.." "Really?" I said incredulously "What about?" "That stuff your dad said. About being passionate?" As she inches closer and closer "Also what you said about if you had the opportunity that you would surprise me?" I stepped back not knowing what to expect, with Cassie following me closer until I was against the wall. She looks at me with intensity in her eyes as she places her hands on my chest and moves them gently up to my neck and cupping my face. She looks at me and with her most devilish smile whispers "Surprise me." As she kisses me. I pull away for one second, making sure no one was around, sensing my heart beating heavily like earlier I grab her intensely and kiss her passionately without a second thought.

I rip off my Shirt and tie as she pulls off her blouse, alternating between making out and trying to shed our clothes. There wasn't logic, there wasn't a second thought or questions of what the future held.. All there is, all that mattered was here. Now. This moment, between two people. This was it's essence, the essence of passion. Pure and simple.. This was lust.

I sit her on the table across the room as she grabs my belt, trying to figure it out without stopping. I grab her face, each kiss simultaneously feeling like it's our first and last, the sensation of energy and inspiration from her lips on mine. I travel down her neck and shoulders, alternating between kissing and biting with each bite getting her more excited as she groans in pleasure. I momentarily kiss and bite her wrists before she grabs to kiss me again even harder than before. I move down to her breasts as I reach and clamp her hands in mine, holding her arms behind her as I explore and sample her supple flesh. Each instant my mouth envelopes her nipples sends a shock through her system as she begs for more.

I lay her back as I remove her skirt and slowly her panties. I nibble up her legs, sucking on her calves and behind her knee as she writhes in pleasure as I grope her thighs while kissing her stomach until I finally reach her pussy. I place my right hand on her chest alternating groping her chest and her grabbing my fingers and sucking them. My left hand grips her thigh hard and she gets worked up with my tongue inside her. I explored her from head to toe, licking and sucking her body, never once feeling satisfied. I only felt hungrier,I only wanted her more. I continue eating her out, the sensation of my tongue massaging her clit and her lips being slightly grazed by my teeth sends her over the edge as she rushes to catch her breath, with her moaning intensely telling me not to stop. I continue eating her out as she immediately grips my hair as she yells out "Oh God" as every muscle contracts and she becomes silent neither moving or speaking. I made her cum hard. Had I chosen to I could've rested on my laurels and focus on me, but I didn't want to. I loved making her cum, I wanted to satisfy her.

Cassie pulls me up towards her as she immediately switches places with me pulling my pants down with me against the table. She grabs my cock and plays with it through her fingers as she kisses me. She kisses my chest, my arms, my stomachas she works her way down, never once letting go of my cock. She takes my cock and without hesitation begins blowing me, the feeling of her mouth and tongue has me gripping the table with me unable to move as she takes me, as she swallows me. I grip her head as the sweat from her brow glides my hand through her hair, finally resting on her crown. I feel her mouth motion.back and forth as my hand continues to rest, almost appearing like I was guiding her. I pull her up towards me and turn her back to the table, lift her legs as we kiss and I slowly penetrate her. I began thrusting and focused on creating a rhythm. The feeling was indescribable being inside her and flashed back to my dream and that same rush of emotions. I notice my tie laying next to us and grab it, I take her arms and pin them behind her back and tie them together. I turn her around and bend her over the table as I enter her from behind. We continued on as she straddled me in my chair to pinning her against the wall with her legs wrapped around me. We were compelled to hold nothing back from one another. We gave it all and reached a connection that.almost felt primal. We ended on the floor facing each other during the missonary as I felt everything getting ready. I told her I was ready to cum and she told me not to stop and to keep going. I thrust harder and harder until I finally grip her hands and cum.

We looked at each other, there was no reaction until she finally smiled and we kissed.

We both stares at one another as Cassie smiles and says "So I guess this means you'll remember me now, huh?" I respond with a smirk "Not sure, we may to try that again, just to be sure.." We both laugh as we kiss.

She looks at me and says innocently "What is thy Desire?" I take a second glance and think about her question. I finally smile and say "I don't know... But I'll start with this.." As I lean in and kiss her some more.

The End.

August 11, 2011


Two years ago I left feeling that all I could do was done. That the words were all said and that the sense of completion was in my hands.

Boy was I fucking wrong!

In my time away I've gone from everything to nothing to holding on to dear life for that little something in between. Like many, I sought to blame any and all, as if someone directly benefited from my suffering. To finding myself facing unfortunate and unwanted truths..

The worst truth of all was that.. The man I was two years ago is gone. More specifically that Brian is dead.. As in nature and through time natural forms of evolution occur. Adapting in any and all ways for one key reason: Survival.

For me to survive, I embraced my anger. Or to be real specific: I became any asshole to the Nth degree... I let that anger take over me because at that moment it was all I had.. Over time I found out why it was so easy to let myself be that angry. With it I could focus, with it I became more resourceful, hell with it I was able to actually wake up and get out of bed and function like an adult.. Where my head was is a dangerous place and one I'm not trying to find again. Admittedly it's what kept me here. As it were fate or test from high above more and more reasons in my life kept fueling that anger from the actions/ inactions of others to the ever continuing facet of growing pains coupled with general frustrations, responsibilities, a nagging pain in my ass, inability to deal with certain life altering changes and even a little unrequited love to act as the cherry on top...

Two years..

And to answer the question now before I get hounded about it later.."Are you ok?"

Fuck no! I'm nowhere near ok... BUT! I'M FUNCTIONAL!

Believe me when I say that there is a HUGE difference between someone who is and isn't functional...

So with that being said.. Simply put I've got this extra fire burning.. Might as well put it to some use.

May 06, 2009

_[TBF]_[Into The Sunset]_

So… thought I was gone did you?

Allow me first to clear the air on a few things:
1. I didn’t retire because Obama won… didn’t hurt, though.
2. I didn’t lose everything and am now forced to live in a van down by the river!
3. I’m not hung over from celebrating New Years, St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco De Mayo consecutively!
4. I didn’t run off with Marie to get married and live happily ever after….
5. I didn’t run off with Harlean either… although I am keeping my options open on that one (fingers crossed)
6. And finally no, I did not commit that murder and my attorneys have assured me that he was suicidal and if the shotgun don’t fit, they must acquit.

Truth be told I’m ready to move on to other things in my life. I still believe there’s so much to talk about but honestly… being a guy sitting in a chair writing about how he could fix the world doesn’t really fix anything. Essentially it’s just a refined form of bitching. And bitching doesn’t solve anything; it just makes you look like a whiny little bitch. Speaking from the heart is never a bad thing, in fact I whole heartily endorse it, but actions from the heart create more impact. Now I could easily sit here and write and write but I’d never feel satisfied. Sitting back and watching from a distance has its pluses and minuses. I could sit back and say this is wrong and this is right but these nesscesary voices and more importantly these nesscesary words eventually fall on deaf ears and end up lost among a sea of lost hopes and lost dreams….

Sometimes the best way to make an impact is to work on one problem at a time. I’ve done the best I can at this stage but for what I want to do next requires me to step up my game and truthfully I don’t view the factor as a useful tool as this stage of the game.

I’ve got some new projects to work on, some new ideas to expand on and some people to reconnect to. The spirit of the factor can never die mostly cause it’s spirit came not from the guy who wrote it but the people who read it and believed in the same and or similar dream of just trying to make our world make sense and make it better for everyone.

We Have Come To Terms.

Until… Some Time.

May 04, 2009

My Part to Combat the Flu....


January 22, 2009


So where do we begin?

The adage I was taught to look for in life went as followed:

* you grow up
* you meet someone
* Fall in love
* and live happily ever after

Sound familiar? Believe me when I say if it does, then I feel your pain.

The rules of dating are as simple as playing D & D, solving Quantum Physics and baking a pie all at once. That shit is hard, folks. I mean I'm not lying when I say if my choices were to go out and try dating or go to war... my ass would be in Iraq right now.. cause let's be honest, if I have to be in a fight, I'd rather be in a fight I could win.

Dating... What the fuck?

The Brian Factor: Dating

Now before I begin, just for clarification: I am not hating on women, okay, I am just trying to understand all the bullshit and the drama and essentially the hoops we put ourselves through just to meet someone... and don't act like I'm wrong. You know damn well I'm speaking the truth.

Now I've seen all kinds when it comes to dating: Young love, strange love, self, love... Okay maybe some more than others but now is not the time for semantics. There's all kinds of subtypes for dating that trying to pick a type of girl I want to meet in the first place is actually harder than filling out my taxes (let's see section 9 paragraph 15: Do you want a Blonde? If so what shade of blonde?).

Even then I still have to find out if a girl is even interested (and of course if she's even a she, I've seen the Crying Game) then you have to see if she is "officially single" and if she is then you have to see if she's not "Talking to someone" or "Hanging out with someone" or "Fucking someone", or as I call this wonderful labyrinth of socializing... MySpace.

"Talking with Someone" I get, everybody talks to someone everyday, we talk about work, life, sports, who's is bigger, etc. "Hanging out with someone" apparently is the new term for a fuck buddy, plain and simple, well.. anybody who's ever had a fuck buddy would agree it starts simple then falls apart faster than a guy's innocence in a Lifetime movie of the week.

"Fucking Someone"... Oh that's not even trying anymore!!!

Well at least it's not a "Paper Relationship", God knows I'd hate to be in one of those. Since you asked what it is, I will explain: A "Paper Relationship" is essentially two people who don't want to be alone soooo bad that will simply be with someone just because it's better than nothing. Now look I know what it's like to be single for realllllly looong tiiime and I can tell you there are times where I'd give my left.. everything if it meant I didn't have to be alone anymore, I mean you can only say "Table for 1" so many times before it starts just sounding sad that the restaurant knows before you have to say it. I have tons of friends and family but let's be honest here: there will always be that one itch that a friend or family member can't scratch... Well maybe in Kentucky.

I can't do one night stands because well let's face it: as much of an ass as I can be, I'm still too much of a nice guy plus it pretty much goes against everything I believe in and stand for.. so, yeah.

I got bored one night and drove for a while and ended up down south, I ran into an acquaintance and we ended up having this conversation which inspired this week's column and we both agreed on a lot of the key points I wrote but also we both believe in the idea of that one special person out there who's our destined partner and we both agreed that one day we will meet up and live happily ever after, and I believe that for eveyone, hell if you're lucky you already got that special someone now (lucky bastard) as for the rest of us still in waiting this is all I will say to the fates/ powers that be....


I'm serious and I know I'm not alone when I say that I want a sign that I'm on the right path, nothing biblical (no burning bush, flood, first born dying) just a subtle sign that basically says "Keep the faith, you're almost there". Cause believe me when I tell you folks, there's a lot that can keep a man going when everything in him wants to quit: anger, pain, a lot of meth... but nothing works any better than just one thing: Hope.

Give a man Hope, and he'll gladly ride to Hell and back, I know I will, wouldn't you?

We Have Come To Terms.

January 15, 2009


So where do we begin?

It seems that in my time away, things have gotten a little worse for wear... Naturally I blame Marie for this but only because she always makes a great scapegoat in these situations.

So far the story seems to be the same: just a whole lot of characters repeating the same mistakes over and over again like a waltz with no end in sight. But on the plus side we finally learned to be united as one world... by taking it up the ass simultaneously as we let this shit happen. Congratulations we've officially become that girl with the low self esteem at the frat kegger who ends up on youporn... round of applause.

So let's recap:

* Countries are at war with everyone
* The Economy's so bad that everyone plays Monopoly just to brag that they own property
* People are complaining it's too hot
* People are complaining that it's too cold
* People are complaining that we're not green enough
* People are complaining that we're too green
* Gays moved two steps forward only to be pushed five steps back
* Oakland's tearing itself apart because 1/3 are mad about the BART cop being arrested, another 1/3 are mad because he wasn't arrested sooner and the rest are generally pissed because the Raiders are in another "Rebuilding year"
* The Religious fanatics are freaking out as we approach 2012 (The final year in the Mayan Calendar)
* While movie fanatics are freaking out because Roland Emmerich is releasing another disaster film called 2012

And... I think that's it... did I forget anything?

[Marie]: ABC cancelled Pushing daises and they're replacing Dr. Who again...


Where the hell was I???

[Marie]: You had a psychotic break, ran off for six months and came back looking like the fourth member of ZZ Top, plus you really need a shower...

So wait, what the hell was everyone doing while I was gone?

[Marie]: We were watching the new judge on American Idol.

(shudder) Well... Looks like I have some work to do.

This is going to be a looooong year.