Lent
So what a busy two weeks I've been having. In fact, some of the crazy shit that happened last week pretty much set the scene up for what happening now. So for this episode we're again changing it up and welcoming you back to another installment of "The Brian Blog".
So I'm going through everything going on in my life and I realize that everything can be traced to one act: I actually gave a damn about my pride.
THE BET:
Last week, in the middle of conversation the topic of Lent came up and I had no plans to participate but after being goaded about not being able to complete Lent for a couple of hours something in my head snapped and there I was in one of those outer body experiences where you see yourself doing something stupid and you're trying to stop yourself but at the same time you're also interested in seeing the outcome, so you make a half ass effort so no matter what you could at least say that you tried and just like that I said yes.
So the challenge: Participate in Lent, sacrifice two things in my life to better myself, and learn a life altering lesson... Simple.
The Rules: I cannot enjoy my two vices for 40 days and 40 nights; doing so would basically be worse than breaking your New Year's resolution: no real punishment, just the fact that you failed yourself in self control.
There was just one tiny problem: I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, don't gamble, I'm not a compulsive shopper, I've never been sexually active and I'm not even dating, and-- if you still haven't figured out the problem-- it's that I live my life without any real vices at all!!!
THE SACRIFICES:
After looking at myself and wondering how I got this far getting less action than a priest (to clairify, I'm actually comparing my sex life with what a priest's sex life is supposed to be, not what it unfortunatly is), I realized that only two things I have going that I could afford to sacrifice were pizza and buying music. So I did, and I made my last day count. I ran out and ordered the biggest pizza I could, bought whatever CD I was looking for and splurged; I admit it... not my finest moment, but if Ii had any real vices to sacrifice... I'd have of done the most that I could before sundown and then gone through the wonders of withdrawl.
THE WONDERS OF WITHDRAWL:
I never realized how much Ii ate pizza or ran out and bought music until I wasn't allowed to do so.... and, boy, was it alot. I'm still trying to figure out how I did all that. Shortly afterward, everything began clicking: all my friends and I were on the same page, my ex and I are completly comfortable in front of each other again (no more of that post break up "weirdness" between us) and slowly little by little my life just made sense, and that is great, all that it is, it's just that when things are working out for you it'll really take you by surprise ....
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION + SPARE TIME+ NEW FOUND SENSE OF CREATIVITY + MUSIC EQUIPMENT = A BEAUTIFUL TRAGEDY
Now that I had more free time I began going through some of my old writings and I began recalling where I was at that point and where its heart came from and slowly I started going back to the part inside and soon it all made sense again. So instead of immersing myself in other people's emotional outputs (music), I began refocusing on my mine, so I decieded that sitting on my ass wasn't the right thing to do so I went and began mixing beats using an old keyboard, my laptop to record, edit, loop, distort, etc. and my imagination and formed them together into songs and now I'm letting close friends check out the material and I should be hearing what the verdict sometime next week. I honestly feel great doing this, I honestly feel recharged and now I'm creating music which, in many ways, has been running throught my brain for many years. So now, jump ahead a week (filled with six sleepless nights to prove it), and "A Beautiful Tragedy" is now officially up and running.
THE MORAL OR CLOSING STATEMENT:
I've really changed in many ways over the past three years: some of it wasn't bad and some of it wasn't good, but by sacrificing two things i really enjoy it forces me out of my usual routine and it causes me to actually think about what I want and, had I not taken up the challenge, what would of happened instead. They say one moment or event can alter the entire course of your life... Well, I don't know about the rest of my life, but for right now... everything's different... and definitely in a good way....
So I'm going through everything going on in my life and I realize that everything can be traced to one act: I actually gave a damn about my pride.
THE BET:
Last week, in the middle of conversation the topic of Lent came up and I had no plans to participate but after being goaded about not being able to complete Lent for a couple of hours something in my head snapped and there I was in one of those outer body experiences where you see yourself doing something stupid and you're trying to stop yourself but at the same time you're also interested in seeing the outcome, so you make a half ass effort so no matter what you could at least say that you tried and just like that I said yes.
So the challenge: Participate in Lent, sacrifice two things in my life to better myself, and learn a life altering lesson... Simple.
The Rules: I cannot enjoy my two vices for 40 days and 40 nights; doing so would basically be worse than breaking your New Year's resolution: no real punishment, just the fact that you failed yourself in self control.
There was just one tiny problem: I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, don't gamble, I'm not a compulsive shopper, I've never been sexually active and I'm not even dating, and-- if you still haven't figured out the problem-- it's that I live my life without any real vices at all!!!
THE SACRIFICES:
After looking at myself and wondering how I got this far getting less action than a priest (to clairify, I'm actually comparing my sex life with what a priest's sex life is supposed to be, not what it unfortunatly is), I realized that only two things I have going that I could afford to sacrifice were pizza and buying music. So I did, and I made my last day count. I ran out and ordered the biggest pizza I could, bought whatever CD I was looking for and splurged; I admit it... not my finest moment, but if Ii had any real vices to sacrifice... I'd have of done the most that I could before sundown and then gone through the wonders of withdrawl.
THE WONDERS OF WITHDRAWL:
I never realized how much Ii ate pizza or ran out and bought music until I wasn't allowed to do so.... and, boy, was it alot. I'm still trying to figure out how I did all that. Shortly afterward, everything began clicking: all my friends and I were on the same page, my ex and I are completly comfortable in front of each other again (no more of that post break up "weirdness" between us) and slowly little by little my life just made sense, and that is great, all that it is, it's just that when things are working out for you it'll really take you by surprise ....
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION + SPARE TIME+ NEW FOUND SENSE OF CREATIVITY + MUSIC EQUIPMENT = A BEAUTIFUL TRAGEDY
Now that I had more free time I began going through some of my old writings and I began recalling where I was at that point and where its heart came from and slowly I started going back to the part inside and soon it all made sense again. So instead of immersing myself in other people's emotional outputs (music), I began refocusing on my mine, so I decieded that sitting on my ass wasn't the right thing to do so I went and began mixing beats using an old keyboard, my laptop to record, edit, loop, distort, etc. and my imagination and formed them together into songs and now I'm letting close friends check out the material and I should be hearing what the verdict sometime next week. I honestly feel great doing this, I honestly feel recharged and now I'm creating music which, in many ways, has been running throught my brain for many years. So now, jump ahead a week (filled with six sleepless nights to prove it), and "A Beautiful Tragedy" is now officially up and running.
THE MORAL OR CLOSING STATEMENT:
I've really changed in many ways over the past three years: some of it wasn't bad and some of it wasn't good, but by sacrificing two things i really enjoy it forces me out of my usual routine and it causes me to actually think about what I want and, had I not taken up the challenge, what would of happened instead. They say one moment or event can alter the entire course of your life... Well, I don't know about the rest of my life, but for right now... everything's different... and definitely in a good way....
Labels: About Brian
posted by Marie at 11:44 PM
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