2005: What the Summer brings to Fall
With July fast approaching I was left in a tailspin. I was hurting and I didn't know what to do. Then out of nowhere I knew that I needed to take a break from things and head out to figure things out. But before that I first needed to figure out when to leave. Then I began becoming more and more invoved with one my friends. She and I had our moments in the past where we connected and we decided to see where it could lead to and slowly I was coming back and I started to really connect again with everything and I would honestly say my relationship was the one thing that really helped me focus on being happy. And soon I was; tensions eased and I began enjoying myself again but I knew I still needed to get away to figure some things out. And my girlfriend knew it too, so she told me to go and find whatever I was looking for.... So I left with my girl in my heart and a purpose to figure it all out to return a better man, not just for her but for me as well......
I first headed out to Phoenix where I'm always welcomed (except for the Spanish radio station where I'm banned 'cause I caused almost a grand in damages to a table with a soldering iron). There I met up with Derrick who always comes with great news; but this time was different.... One of the things I had hoped to do was to visit my father who I hadn't seen in years and attempt to reconnect with him and learn more of myself by learning where I come from... though, when I arrived, I found out that his past mistakes had come back to a haunt him and he was sent to a tent city in the middle of the desert the day before I left. I admit now I was disapointed since now I couldn't get the answers that I was looking for in the one person I knew had most of them. So I continued to enjoy the town and for the first time I was actually feeling like a 21-year-old: going out at night, being gone for hours reconnecting to the man I call "brother" and there I felt so good!!!! I wasn't thinking about anything, and the more I did the more everything made sense. The only thing that stayed on my mind was Sarah, who would call me and share her day and brightened mine a little more.
So, feeling refreshed and with some but not all of the answers yet, I headed even further south to Texas and I returned to my family's "official hometown" of McAllen, which is located towards the southern tip. There I just rested my mind and body and I just walked and enjoyed the wonders of my grandmother's good ol' home cookin'. What always makes McAllen great to
visit is that you always find your bearings there. As soon as I arrived I headed north to Austin to visit even more family and get out to see more of what's out in the world...... And being outside with so much room to think and wonder and soon after came my biggest surprise to date: meeting my older sister for the first time ever. I was so nervous and I didn't know what to expect, and we finally meet and I hugged her and I finally knew what it felt like to have a sister, something I always wanted as a child: to know what it was like to have more than a Mom and Dad. Then I knew right there; and in the course of three hours we talked and realized how much we were alike and it was then that I realized how little some of my issues were so I soon learned to let them go. and within time it all made sense. But I still couldn't put it in words-- even now I can't-- but there it was..... the spark! Everything that I was looking for: a purpose, hope, an understanding of family and love...... then I knew I was ready to go home, not knowing what still lay ahead as my first test.............
Read the conclusion of this story in 2005 Part 3: "The Fall of Winter"
I first headed out to Phoenix where I'm always welcomed (except for the Spanish radio station where I'm banned 'cause I caused almost a grand in damages to a table with a soldering iron). There I met up with Derrick who always comes with great news; but this time was different.... One of the things I had hoped to do was to visit my father who I hadn't seen in years and attempt to reconnect with him and learn more of myself by learning where I come from... though, when I arrived, I found out that his past mistakes had come back to a haunt him and he was sent to a tent city in the middle of the desert the day before I left. I admit now I was disapointed since now I couldn't get the answers that I was looking for in the one person I knew had most of them. So I continued to enjoy the town and for the first time I was actually feeling like a 21-year-old: going out at night, being gone for hours reconnecting to the man I call "brother" and there I felt so good!!!! I wasn't thinking about anything, and the more I did the more everything made sense. The only thing that stayed on my mind was Sarah, who would call me and share her day and brightened mine a little more.
So, feeling refreshed and with some but not all of the answers yet, I headed even further south to Texas and I returned to my family's "official hometown" of McAllen, which is located towards the southern tip. There I just rested my mind and body and I just walked and enjoyed the wonders of my grandmother's good ol' home cookin'. What always makes McAllen great to
visit is that you always find your bearings there. As soon as I arrived I headed north to Austin to visit even more family and get out to see more of what's out in the world...... And being outside with so much room to think and wonder and soon after came my biggest surprise to date: meeting my older sister for the first time ever. I was so nervous and I didn't know what to expect, and we finally meet and I hugged her and I finally knew what it felt like to have a sister, something I always wanted as a child: to know what it was like to have more than a Mom and Dad. Then I knew right there; and in the course of three hours we talked and realized how much we were alike and it was then that I realized how little some of my issues were so I soon learned to let them go. and within time it all made sense. But I still couldn't put it in words-- even now I can't-- but there it was..... the spark! Everything that I was looking for: a purpose, hope, an understanding of family and love...... then I knew I was ready to go home, not knowing what still lay ahead as my first test.............
Read the conclusion of this story in 2005 Part 3: "The Fall of Winter"
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