January 18, 2008

TBF: New Year

Dull Boy
By: Mudvayne

All work and no play makes me a dull boy..
All work and no play makes me a dull boy..
All work and no play makes me a dull boy..
All work and no play makes me a dull boy!!

Live in a secret
Live in a lie
Live in a dark hole beneath the black sky
Live like a martyr and draw my last breath
Feel like an old man with a knife in my chest

Live like a transient
Live like a thief
Hide in a closet, grinding my teeth
Sit in a small room with the walls closing in
Open the shutters but everything's still dim

Payback
For all the things
I've done in my past

Payback
For everything
There are no take backs

I'm not the reason
It's not my fault
It's not my problem
I'm not the cause

I'm not your scapegoat
I'm not your god
I'm not your martyr
I'd leave you all

I'm not the reason - (I'm not your scapegoat)
It's not my fault - (I'm not your god)
It's not my problem - (I'm not your martyr)
I'm not the cause - (I'd leave you all)


All work and no play makes me a dull boy

Feel like a clown without my funny nose
Walk to the window, break it out with my fist
Jump from the sill and I'll plunge to my death
You can be selfish whatever ya think
Throw back my pills and take a sip of my drink

Walk under the clouds
Walk under the trees
Always again envy covering me

Payback
For all the things
I've done in my past

I'm not the reason
It's not my fault
It's not my problem
I'm not the cause

I'm not your scapegoat
I'm not your god
I'm not your martyr
I'd leave you all

I'm not the reason - (I'm not your scapegoat)
It's not my fault - (I'm not your god)
It's not my problem - (I'm not your martyr)
I'm not the cause - (I'd leave you all)

Sunshine's gone
It's all gone

By the way, just so you know
Always, this is how I feel

By the way, just so you know
Always, everyday, this is how I feel

I'm not the reason
It's not my fault
It's not my problem
I'm not the cause
I'm not your scape goat (I'm not your scape goat)
I'm not your god (I'm not your god)
I'm not your martyr (I'm not your martyr)

This is how I feel (this is how I feel)

By the way, just so you know
Always, everyday, this is how I feel
-----------------------------------------------------------------


A new year. Usually we're giving ourselves the ever needed pep talk and psych ups so we can make it "Our year to shine". I know I'm not alone here, by the time this will post about 45% of the people will have attempted their new years resolutions and will have given up. I gave up on the prospect of a New years resolution 5 years ago. I tried my best but it just never worked out. ultimately you get to a point and you say "fuck it". Ironically in the time since I swore off resolutions, I've actually been able to accomplish more both in my health and in my career. Harlean Carpenter and I were talking last week and we both agreed that people jump the gun too soon, they expect the easy fix and one good Rocky training sequence later and they figure that they'll come out as Mr.Universe or they quit smoking/ drinking, they aim to eat better and read more and blah blah blah blah.

When you aim to better yourself, first off and I know I'm not alone here: Make sure it's what you want to do!

Secondly: Wait two weeks. if you still have that idea in your head, then it's the real deal. So go hit the gym, hit the books, hit yourself, hired a girl to hit you in various places and put out cigarettes on your tongue, just put some thought into it before you slap the cash down. Finally don't expect a quick fix, if you had the idea in your head for a while, then chances are that's how long you're suppose to try said idea before you'll get results.

As you're reading this I probably sound a little agitated, truth is.. not so much. I started this year pretty quiet I got the hell out of town like I said I would, and once again, every time and anytime I get out of town I get a reminder of how small I am. It's important every once in a while to see yourself in a new environment where your identity and your status are gone and you become the stranger in a strange land. We all need it, whether we want to admit it or not. Whether we believe it or not the world does not revolve you. your problems are not the world's problems, they're yours, plain and simple. Just do yourself a favor, get the fuck up and get the fuck out of town. I'd guarantee a break from the hell that is your life (I'm paraphrasing you) would completely change your perspective and might even relieve some of you of your condition, and what condition am I talking about? Well simple.. the condition of "stickupyourass-itis" I believe the name might be European in origin, I can't really be sure.

The truth is this, I left here and got out of the life of Brian Rodriguez, I stepped away from Brian the writer, Brian the clerk, Brian the guy who still feels funny when he talks to that one girl who wows him just by smiling and especially Brian the guy who spends his time in between the aforementioned stuff trying to figure his life out. I left, I didn't do anything grand and I especially didn't anything incriminating, I just got out and lived life through refreshed eyes and a refreshed heart. I spent time just being happy. I know I said that I haven't been depressed since back in April and thankfully I'm still not but had I been when I left, I would've ended up finding my smile again and shown a glimpse of something that wasn't too far out from my reach, but was ultimately out of my reach because of my own fears and insecurities. No matter how much you deal with those fears and insecurities, Ultimately what gets you anywhere is your desire to get there.

It's a new year. It's a new chance. Time to make it count. So will you?

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Determined
By: Mudvayne

Go...
So fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
You better believe it, confidence
Go...
So fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
Spit out all reason,
Yeah

I'm tired of holdin' up the weight,
The weight of the motherfuckin' world.
All I want is just to get right here
Right now.
We struggle and fight just to get in a grave
That's overflowing
Clock's ticking on my fifteen minutes of fame
Come on now, one two three go

So fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
You better believe it, confidence
Go...
So fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
Spit out all reason,
Yeah

I'm flushing the trust of everyone
Stabbing in the back and thinkin' they can break me
Set my sight can't die 'till I'm done, mind endurance
Never wanted anymore than what I deserve
Better bring it I'm taking it all
Fuck an inch 'cause I'm bringin' a mile
It's on now one two three go

So fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
You better believe it, confidence
Go...
So fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
Spit out all reason,
Yeah

This fire,
Is growing,
Is burning
Deep inside of me.
Focused,
Driven,
Certain,
The way it's got to be.

Fire.
Growing.
Burning.
Deep inside of me,
Focused,
Driven,
Certain,
The way it's got to be.

Crooked.
No trust.
Liars.
Con men.
Drunk with
Power.
Mentor.
Taught me everything that I know...

So wrong,
Wrong,
Wrong,
Wrong...

One two three GO...

So fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
You better believe it, confidence
Go...
So fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
Spit out all reason,
Yeah

Go...
I'm fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
You better believe it, confidence
Go...
I'm fucking determined
Yeah, yeah go...
Spit out all reason,
Yeah

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