November 02, 2007

Echoes of The Factor - 11/02/07

Comment Submitted by Curtis Re: "T.K.O- Trust":

The problem with being human is that we're all so damn fallible. We mess up all the time, we're imperfect and self-centered, and yet we find it hard to forgive those qualities in others. I doubt there are many people who intend to betray their spouses, just as few murderers plan it out ahead of time. Crimes of passion, indeed.

And then there's the issue of just what betrayal means to each individual. I remember reading about this study (and I'll spare you the statistics as I can't recall them off the top of my head), which addressed the differences in the reactions of men and women to various "betrayals" (my/your term). Basically, the gist of it was that men were much more concerned with their wives' sexual fidelity, while women were more offended by emotional infidelity -- a close non-sexual friendship between their husbands and another woman was more disturbing than their husbands cheating sexually.

When something as simple as that can be interpreted in two such divergent ways, it's amazing that human beings can get along as well as they can. Kudos to all who are willing to invest the effort to make their relationships work even after potholes and pitfalls -- as long as their partners are willing to do the same.

Response From Angel:

First of all thank you for your comment, I agree with your comment completely, I know we are not perfect and yes indeed we all make mistakes everyday for that matter.

But to me personally, an emotional betrayal or infidelity is I hate to say worse than a one night stand, reason being that it had feelings, it was a relationship, something that was taken in a way from me, because I have for so many years tried to be the best wife I can be, by not even allowing myself to be around guys and avoid guy friendships (when in high school I had a lot of guy friends) but I gave that up, because what is more important to me was establishing a "fool proof" marriage, by all means "fool proof" does not imply perfect, but at least I am not stupid to put my self in a position where things can and will happen if you allow yourself to go there, or open up a door for those situations to come in your life. but yeah, most of my friends agree that feelings matter most than physical infidelity (even though they both hurt as much), especially when it was with someone who they worked with and saw everyday, that is the hardest part to me, luckily my husband does not work there no more so it is easier for me to move on. In a way I hate to admit but what happend actually helped our relationship, as it had become somewhat of a almost boring "roommate" type of marriage, now we talk more and we are going out a lot more and he is focus on me, and our family a lot more than he has ever been since we had kids. So in a way I guess I can see it as a blessing in disguise, its just sad what had to happen for us to get closer. But I am relived that there was no physical thing or else knowing the kind of emotional person I am, I don't think I could have handled it enough to stay as it would change completely the way I see my husband, and it would have been really hard on me. I guess that is just a part of life, you live through it, you get stronger and wiser and you learn to move on. I am glad I did. Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it.




Comment Submitted by Marie Re: "Brian's Song - Butterfly Caught":

I haven't watched this video in a while. I forgot how creepy it is. (It was even more amusingly creepy because I watched Constantine earlier, and Robert Del Naja ended up looking somewhat like a demon. :)

Yay for trip-hop! Awesome music choice this week.

Response from Brian:

Thanks, when I wanted to start showing videos this season, that one really stood out as one I had to share with everyone.

I got plenty of ideas for this year but I'm still open to other people's suggestions.





Comment Submitted by Jacob Re: Unhindered: Living in a Litigious Society

Warning: the guy who dressed as an "apathetic college student" for Halloween is responding....

I absolutely agree with you. The degree to which our society is litigious is positively insane. Obese people should not be able to sue McDonalds for making them fat (seriously), burglars should not be able to sue when they are injured breaking into homes (really), and dermatologists should not be required to hang a sign indicating that skin care creme samples are not edible (not kidding -- happened to a doctor in my family).

Now I'm going to pessimistically up it a notch. My general view of humanity has fallen so far....
I think it's possible to generalize this behavior to a much higher degree and explain all matters of phenomena. Simply put, I believe people are generally uninterested in taking responsibility for their own actions. If given the chance, the average person will deflect and dodge instead of owning up.

Can't get a job? The Internet's fault for wasting your life. Can't get in a relationship? Porn is destroying our ability to love. Keep picking bad boyfriends? All men are pigs. Failed a midterm? The professor can't teach worth shit. Students aren't paying attention? Kids these days don't know the value of learning. Can't get a promotion? The boss has it out for you. Country's gone to war? It's all those damn Republicans. Teen pregnancies through the roof? It's our sex-crazed culture and those damn hippie liberals. Violence in school? Video games are to blame. Planes slamming into the World Trade Center? Terrorists hate our freedom.

What do they all have in common? It's easier to give a simplistic and logically vacuous answer than think about a complicated question. Maybe our history of US-Soviet foreign policy in Afghanistan has some impact. Maybe "exciting" and "bad boy" boyfriends are somehow correlated with ones who beat people up. Maybe a lack of outcry is a way of implicitly supporting a war. Maybe your bitter attitude and outdated teaching methods keep you from reaching your students. Maybe...

Maybe people suck.

But, like I said. I'm apathetic.

Response from Marie:

Hey, I "dressed up" as a vegetarian one year. Just wore my usual clothes. When I told a girl that I was in costume, and told her I was dressed as a vegetarian, she asked me, "Are you really a vegetarian?!" My reply: "Of course not! If I was, then I wouldn't be dressed up!"

I think it's more than giving "simplistic and logically vacuous" answers. People hate having to take responsibility for their mistakes. It's a natural thing. If you get VD, you're going to go around blaming and cussing at "that bitch who fuckin' raped you!" Not lament over the fact that you were a dumb-ass who got too wasted to have safe sex.

Anger is a much safer emotion than guilt, grief, regret, or sadness. Those feelings make us vulnerable. All of us still have some unconscious sense that we are immortal and untouchable until we are faced with the incomprehensible fact that we are wrong; "The test results came out positive. I'm sorry Mr. Brown, you have about six months to live," or "Amelia, your painkiller addiction is ruining our family. I'm filing for divorce and custody of the kids."

From our emotional standpoint, accusations and the shifting of blame are logical. But if we are supposed to have a healthy society, sometimes the head needs to rule over the heart. In the case of a large system like our American judicial one, facts are ideally supposed to be weighed, and emotional or illogical claims filtered out. If the system really worked, Americans wouldn't be spending so much money on lawyers and people like Judge Judy would be out of business.

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