May 18, 2007

TBF: Hollywood

Naked and Famous
by The Presidents of the United States of America

I can't explain glacial motion
Or why Los Angeles don't drop into the ocean
I can't unfold the layers of mystery
Or piece together the tragedy of history
'Cuz those lucky suckers they don't have to work
Big 3D billboards and big 30-foot Smurfs
And everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wants to be just like me I'm naked and famous

I met a poet said she didn't like the smell of it
Then took her clothes off in a restaurant for the hell of it
I met a DJ who lived in seclusion
Reality and sobriety were her only delusions

And those lucky bastards they don't have to work
Big 3D billboards and big 30-foot Smurfs
And everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wants to be just like me I'm naked and famous

Well don't get a nosebleed, don't get upset
We can't be naked and famous just yet
There's a big gold dollar sign on the Sunset Strip
And you can send your friend a postcard it ain't worth the trip

Everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wants to be just like me I'm naked
Everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wants to be just like me I'm naked
Everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wants to be just like me I'm naked

Everybody wants to be naked and famous
Everybody wants to be just like me I'm naked and famous



So, it's my turn at the wheel this week. Let's talk Hollywood.

I don't particularly want to talk about Hollywood, but let's talk about it anyway.

Why do we like celebrities? What is lacking in our lives that makes us stalk disreputable publications for updates about the lives of Brangelina and TomKat?

Personally, I couldn't care less about the antics of the Hollywood elite. To quote Andy Warhol, "Everybody's plastic."1 But, unlike Andy, I do not like plastic nor do I want to be plastic. It's non-biodegradable and bad for the environment. And like those plastic rings that hold beer cans together, celebrities never go away on their own and are responsible for killing baby seals.2

I feel a mixture of contempt and pity for famous people. Contempt because they feel that they are muy importante. I'm not an Earthologist, but I suspect that the world would not stop turning if all the Lindsay Lohans and R. Kellys suddenly faded into obscurity. So much time, money, and energy is devoted to keeping tabs on the rich and famous. Too much, I think. I didn't need an E! Breaking News Flash the moment Britney shaved her head and went zonkers. CNN had no dire cause to dissect Anna Nicole's death for three weeks. There are much more worthwhile things to report, that we never hear about because one of the Friends people failed at another relationship.

A large part of this fanatical photography is due to our fascination. After all, if we weren't interested in Paris Hilton's latest drunken crotch-shot, these cameramen and -women would be out documenting genocide and war atrocities and real trainwrecks (instead of the Courtney Love Express).

My mention of the paparazzi brings me to my next point: I feel sorry for people who are famous. Whether it was their conscious decision to leap into the media's attention or not, a large part of their lives now belong to the public. They can't just run to the grocery store in sweats on a Saturday afternoon; they'll be printed on the front page of a tabloid under a headline of "No makeup! Look how old she is!" (Or something to that effect.) Just imagine the stress. Is it any wonder why so few celebrity relationships last more than a few months? People are dying to see Brad get trashed and nail the babysitter and watch the Brangelina marriage crash and burn like the Hindenburg.

Which brings me back to the question: what is lacking in our own lives that we feel like we must live vicariously through the renowned and filthy rich? Is it just that we love those rags-to-riches dream fulfillment stories and revel in vindictive pleasure when someone who's had an easy life suddenly falls from grace? We shouldn't be so desperate for entertainment that we wait for celebrities' lives to fall to pieces just so we can feel superior.

These people aren't any better than us. (Sure, Lindsey Lohan is richer than I'll ever be, but I've never had eating disorders or took up binge drinking and coke as a hobby.) So why do we put them up on a pedestal? For the most part, they are actors and models whose main contributions to society are entertainment and the socially required endorsement of a "cause" every couple of years. There are certainly doctors and inventors and theorists who make much more important and enduring contributions to our lives. Why not transfer your idolatry from the undeserving prom queens to the inspiring professors? The members of the Hollywood caste's daily lives are so far removed from our own reality; hell, do you think that Jessica Simpson has to do mundane things like memorize the bus schedule? I do. So who exactly am I supposed to relate to?

Yet film and relevision stars somehow become authorities in fields like politics and economics. ("Hey Ashton! Which democratic presidential nominee do you think has the concerns of the impoverished elderly at the top of his agenda?") When Katrina hit, how many of those famous participants in that concert for the victims truly dwelled upon the massive amount of devastation and the thousands of destroyed lives? Events like that really weed out what I consider the worthy to be famous from the worthless; you figure out who is genuine in their relations to the real world (not MTV's version) and try to give back to their fans. Unfortunately, the film industry is not a meritocracy, and thus does not allow only the deserving to climb to the top.

So, I guess what my opinion comes down to is this: if you want to admire famous people and obsess over their lives, go ahead. I personally don't have much respect for that particular hobby. But just consider why people are famous and ask yourself if they are deserving of the money you spend buying movie tickets, CDs, and magazines.

1 “I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They're beautiful. Everybody's plastic, but I love plastic. I want to be plastic.” - Andy Warhol

2 On a whim, I Googled " 'baby seal' celebrity kill" and got several hits, to my surprise. Therefore, my offhand jokey analogy has a basis of truth. What is this world coming to?

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The other night I was wathcing Casablanca on TV and after I read this I realized that one paticular issue I have with Hollywood, is the need to measure one's ability squarely on looks. I know that if (God forbid) they ever decided to remake Casablanca, They'd have forskae charm and talent and hire someone like Lindsay Lohan and Ashton Kutcher for the leads, and because they're already desacrating it, they might as well to finsih it off by casting Dave Chapelle to be Sam. So now everytime you want him to play a song, he'll throw in a quick liner... But I digress.

If you compare Hollywood to day with Hollywood 50 years ago, you'd see without question how talent is forsaken for visual appeal. Hollywood is crap, the idea of Hollywood as we knew it from it's legends and it's repect and honor is nothing more but a memory... what we have now... I couldn't even call it a shell of it's former glory because then it would imply that Hollywood now HAS some connection to what once was.

10:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IDK why ur so hard on famous people, they help make the world a little brightr. all this war is sooo bad, y'know

and Ashton is totally hot!! (yum)

laters

xxxStacyxxx

10:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I personally agree
I think that these people work everyday to get money and yes they might get more money than most average people and they may be "famous" but they came into the world the same as us and they lived most of their life the same as us and just because they are richer,"famouser", and are on TV or in the movies or on the radio shouldn't make a difference.

4:52 PM  

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