TBF: Future Generations
To open this week's column, please enjoy a performance by A Beautiful Tragedy...
[Brian: "I believe the children are our future..."]
[Marie: Boo!!! Get off the stage!!!]
[Brian: All right fine!! We'll do it the old fashion way, cue the music!!!}
The Kids Aren't Alright
By: The Offspring
When we were young the future was so bright,
The old neighborhood was so alive.
And every kid on the whole damn street,
Was gonna make it big and not be beat.
Now the neighborhood's cracked and torn,
The kids are grown up but their lives are worn.
How can one little street,
Swallow so many lives!
Chances thrown,
Nothing's free,
Longing for what used to be.
Still it's hard,
Hard to see,
Fragile lives, shattered dreams.
Jamie had a chance, well she really did,
Instead she dropped out and had a couple of kids.
Mark still lives at home cause he's got no job,
He just plays guitar and smokes a lot of pot.
Jay committed suicide,
Brandon OD'd and died.
What the hell is going on?
The cruelest dream, reality.
Chances thrown,
Nothing's free,
Longing for what used to be.
Still it's hard,
Hard to see,
Fragile lives, shattered dreams.
Chances thrown,
Nothing's free,
Longing for what used to be.
Still it's hard,
Hard to see,
Fragile lives, shattered dreams....
THIS WORLD IS CORRUPT!!!!!!
Wait.. I'm getting ahead of myself. Ok so without question we pass on the reins of our world from generation to generation. I mean that's just how life works, we're born, we learn, we live, we love, have children, teach them everything we learned and then we die. Obviously this doesn't happen all in one day and thank God cause I'll be honest.. I'd be screwed!!!
We as people are responsible for the shaping and development of our children as they grow into the men and women they are to become. So the question becomes: "Are we doing the right thing?"
Everything is done with the best of intentions but are our intentions helping or hindering our children?
This week on The Brian Factor: Future Generations
This topic has pretty much been a couple of years in the making, and it never really gained any steam until about a month ago, I had read a couple of stories from across the country about how schools were taking the initiative on protecting children from such great dangers like: rough housing, wedgies, and the dreaded.... High five!!!
[Marie: EEEEEEEEEE!!!!] (faints)
I think I got a little ahead of myself... So I'll pick my editor back up and backtrack a little.
See in a West Virgina high school, they added regulations to punish anyone for rough housing, so we're not talking about actual fighting... we're talking rough housing, rasslin around, boys being boys, shit like that. Now the main reason for the changes is to protect children from getting injured... which at first naturally sounds like more of an act of protection from liability (Don't forget, I work in a law firm, I am familiar with stuff like this) but actually they meant to say that they were protecting children from injuring themselves socially... Uh, Wha?
So apparently they figure that a child who roughhouses will gain a mental sense of confrontation and become more aggressive, competitive, and like harsh out the mellow vibes, man... (ok, I made that last one up) or that the other outcome would be a child that becomes a social outcast because he couldn't handle himself against the other guys and ends up a weird loner who get shunned by the school until Columbine happened and then the school labels him a risk and everyone tries to be his best friend thinking that he'll spare them from "judgment day" and ends up not liking people and spends his days writing columns about how people are morons because they flinch at stupid shit... Oops, HAHAHA... Freudian Slip, anyway...
[Marie: That was not a Freudian slip.]
Now, about here I gladly have enough ammo to go on a tirade and rip someone a new asshole BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!
I recently heard about an elementary school in Palo Alto, CA, (Goddammit, in my own state!, this shit is spreading faster than 28 Days Later...) So the principal made an edict that she didn't want the children to give high fives, tease each other, hug each other, and basically no signs of either affection or anger towards one another. I think I said it best when I said... "Uh, Wha?"
MY TWO CENTS
Now how can I start this, I mean I literally have a million possible choices on where to start from...
Aw screw it, now I say this with love:
YOU PEOPLE ARE COMPLETE FUCKIN MORONS!!!!
I understand that you want to raise your kids better than how you were all raised but face facts: you are who you are because of how you were raised. Everyone's circumstances were different:
- You grew up in a bad neighborhood so you did what you did to survive.
- Your family was broke growing up so you never knew the finer things like designer sneakers and fancy label clothes.
- You did all your shopping at Sears and everyone laughed at you.
Sounds familiar? And because of those memories, you opted to raise your kids different well there are different types of parents now a days so allow me to give a basic tutorial on their methods and their eventual failures...
GIVER: They say it's better to give than receive.... Well that's true for Christmas, but not when you're raising a child. Givers stem from bad experiences of never having the finer things in life, in fact every time they wanted that one great toy growing up, they'd never get it, and regardless of how many useful and necessary gifts they would receive, for not having that one perfect gift, every Birthday and Christmas was automatically considered a disaster. So to compensate when they were young, they give their children everything they've ever wanted, and in this world of PS3's and iPods and such you're spending a small fortune just to make your kid happier than you were at their age.
Now, not to rain on your parade, but you do realize that everything you've bought your child in the first 10 years is more or less equivalent to a college fund and you've now set your child's satisfaction levels to an all time high. So now they're gonna be asking you for even more expensive crap that we all know they don't need. But you can't say no can you? and now you're stuck with a spoiled brat who doesn't know the meaning of the word "no", which means he becomes an asshole who thinks he's entitled to the world.
BFF: Growing up, we knew the chain of command, kids below, parents on top. Back then parents were more or less God-like to us, and we just never could relate completely to them no matter how much either of us tried, sure we had similar interests, but obviously there are notable differences: they hate your clothes, your music and most of all they hate your friends and your first three boyfriends/ girlfriends. So to compensate for this they don't act like parents, they act like they're your older brother or sister, which means that they let you slide with shit, they'll sometimes hook you up with beer and try to hang out in the same circles as you. All your friends know your mom/ dad by their first name and life is like an episode of Gilmore Girls...
OK, now I know that the age difference between most parents and kids now a days is fairly small (20-25 years) as opposed to before (30-40 years) So I will admit, it is easier to relate to your kids, but that doesn't mean that you should act like a kid. Some one has to be an adult in the house and that someone should not be the person younger than you, So if that "adult" believes that the new world began after the introduction of MTV, it's safe to say that they shouldn't be in charge. If you don't act like an adult, then your kids are gonna want to do a whole bunch of stupid shit that you know isn't a smart move but "YOU WANNA BE COOL" so you let them get away with practically murder. So please DO NOT try to act as if you're the same age as your kid, YOU'RE NOT, so go have your own life, go have your own friends, find a middle ground between being their best friend and being a God and remember, you make the final call on all things relating to your child...
TALKERS: Now we're taught that fighting never solves anything and to a point they're right. Growing up if you misbehaved, you were punished, you didn't like it, you immediately hated your parents for punishing you and you swore never to punish your kids. So instead of grounding them and hitting them, you decide to challenge them emotionally. you reach out to them trying to put yourself in their shoes and understanding what it means to strive as an individual and together you reach an understanding that brings you closer not only as a family but as two people who love and respect one another...
YOU'RE FUCKIN KIDDING ME, RIGHT?
I get that the point of this whole "New Age, I love my kids as I love myself" thing is aimed at creating a peaceful, happy home filled with understanding and shit like that and I agree that really explaining things helps to send a message to your kids but be real, eventually you're gonna reach a point where you have to put foot to ass, and believe me when talking fails, nothing makes a hard simple point like foot to ass, So yes talk to your kids and do explain what they did was wrong and then if they still give you crap, bitchslap 'em but tell the truth: "you're hard on them because you care" They're not going to understand it right away but eventually they will and they might even thank you for it.
OLD SCHOOL: I grew up in a Mexican household which meant simply, "momma ain't having it" and most importantly "Gramma ain't having it either" so it's hit first, hit second, hit third and mmmmaaaybe in two years, ask a question.
I learned fear before I learned to walk, in fact I was so scared on what I'd do to get hit that I crawled for five extra years just in fear for my own life. Why do you think so many Mexicans are sneaking over here: WE TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM OUR MOMMAS and why do you think we're so damn good at sneaking around and crawling into small spaces, porque sabes que we have 10 years of practice... We're so good at hiding that when my mom was looking for me I ran and hid better than Special Forces and Navy Seals Combined...
Anyway, I have one Uncle who's kinda a Giver and one Uncle who's Old School and I'll tell you man, if you got some bratty ass kids, nothing works better than the Old School method, my "OS" Uncle proved this one time as my cousins were in the middle of their bullshit fighting and my Uncle grabbed their video game, took it outside, and smashed it with his foot right in front of them and they stopped like that and I know that it sounds bad and it is but it works.
Obviously to "better" it, just take a lesson from the Talker, hell follow what I said on how to fix a Talker and you should be just fine.
Anyway, I'm sure there's more types of parents but right now I'm drained, so just do this everyone: Love your kids, be there for them, but remember no matter how much you love them, you cannot be afraid to put your foot down and tell them "no!" and they're gonna hate you for it, but its better to be the bad guy than be irresponsible.
WE HAVE COME TO TERMS.........
UNTIL NEXT TIME
-B
[Brian: "I believe the children are our future..."]
[Marie: Boo!!! Get off the stage!!!]
[Brian: All right fine!! We'll do it the old fashion way, cue the music!!!}
The Kids Aren't Alright
By: The Offspring
When we were young the future was so bright,
The old neighborhood was so alive.
And every kid on the whole damn street,
Was gonna make it big and not be beat.
Now the neighborhood's cracked and torn,
The kids are grown up but their lives are worn.
How can one little street,
Swallow so many lives!
Chances thrown,
Nothing's free,
Longing for what used to be.
Still it's hard,
Hard to see,
Fragile lives, shattered dreams.
Jamie had a chance, well she really did,
Instead she dropped out and had a couple of kids.
Mark still lives at home cause he's got no job,
He just plays guitar and smokes a lot of pot.
Jay committed suicide,
Brandon OD'd and died.
What the hell is going on?
The cruelest dream, reality.
Chances thrown,
Nothing's free,
Longing for what used to be.
Still it's hard,
Hard to see,
Fragile lives, shattered dreams.
Chances thrown,
Nothing's free,
Longing for what used to be.
Still it's hard,
Hard to see,
Fragile lives, shattered dreams....
THIS WORLD IS CORRUPT!!!!!!
Wait.. I'm getting ahead of myself. Ok so without question we pass on the reins of our world from generation to generation. I mean that's just how life works, we're born, we learn, we live, we love, have children, teach them everything we learned and then we die. Obviously this doesn't happen all in one day and thank God cause I'll be honest.. I'd be screwed!!!
We as people are responsible for the shaping and development of our children as they grow into the men and women they are to become. So the question becomes: "Are we doing the right thing?"
Everything is done with the best of intentions but are our intentions helping or hindering our children?
This week on The Brian Factor: Future Generations
This topic has pretty much been a couple of years in the making, and it never really gained any steam until about a month ago, I had read a couple of stories from across the country about how schools were taking the initiative on protecting children from such great dangers like: rough housing, wedgies, and the dreaded.... High five!!!
[Marie: EEEEEEEEEE!!!!] (faints)
I think I got a little ahead of myself... So I'll pick my editor back up and backtrack a little.
See in a West Virgina high school, they added regulations to punish anyone for rough housing, so we're not talking about actual fighting... we're talking rough housing, rasslin around, boys being boys, shit like that. Now the main reason for the changes is to protect children from getting injured... which at first naturally sounds like more of an act of protection from liability (Don't forget, I work in a law firm, I am familiar with stuff like this) but actually they meant to say that they were protecting children from injuring themselves socially... Uh, Wha?
So apparently they figure that a child who roughhouses will gain a mental sense of confrontation and become more aggressive, competitive, and like harsh out the mellow vibes, man... (ok, I made that last one up) or that the other outcome would be a child that becomes a social outcast because he couldn't handle himself against the other guys and ends up a weird loner who get shunned by the school until Columbine happened and then the school labels him a risk and everyone tries to be his best friend thinking that he'll spare them from "judgment day" and ends up not liking people and spends his days writing columns about how people are morons because they flinch at stupid shit... Oops, HAHAHA... Freudian Slip, anyway...
[Marie: That was not a Freudian slip.]
Now, about here I gladly have enough ammo to go on a tirade and rip someone a new asshole BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!
I recently heard about an elementary school in Palo Alto, CA, (Goddammit, in my own state!, this shit is spreading faster than 28 Days Later...) So the principal made an edict that she didn't want the children to give high fives, tease each other, hug each other, and basically no signs of either affection or anger towards one another. I think I said it best when I said... "Uh, Wha?"
MY TWO CENTS
Now how can I start this, I mean I literally have a million possible choices on where to start from...
Aw screw it, now I say this with love:
YOU PEOPLE ARE COMPLETE FUCKIN MORONS!!!!
I understand that you want to raise your kids better than how you were all raised but face facts: you are who you are because of how you were raised. Everyone's circumstances were different:
- You grew up in a bad neighborhood so you did what you did to survive.
- Your family was broke growing up so you never knew the finer things like designer sneakers and fancy label clothes.
- You did all your shopping at Sears and everyone laughed at you.
Sounds familiar? And because of those memories, you opted to raise your kids different well there are different types of parents now a days so allow me to give a basic tutorial on their methods and their eventual failures...
GIVER: They say it's better to give than receive.... Well that's true for Christmas, but not when you're raising a child. Givers stem from bad experiences of never having the finer things in life, in fact every time they wanted that one great toy growing up, they'd never get it, and regardless of how many useful and necessary gifts they would receive, for not having that one perfect gift, every Birthday and Christmas was automatically considered a disaster. So to compensate when they were young, they give their children everything they've ever wanted, and in this world of PS3's and iPods and such you're spending a small fortune just to make your kid happier than you were at their age.
Now, not to rain on your parade, but you do realize that everything you've bought your child in the first 10 years is more or less equivalent to a college fund and you've now set your child's satisfaction levels to an all time high. So now they're gonna be asking you for even more expensive crap that we all know they don't need. But you can't say no can you? and now you're stuck with a spoiled brat who doesn't know the meaning of the word "no", which means he becomes an asshole who thinks he's entitled to the world.
BFF: Growing up, we knew the chain of command, kids below, parents on top. Back then parents were more or less God-like to us, and we just never could relate completely to them no matter how much either of us tried, sure we had similar interests, but obviously there are notable differences: they hate your clothes, your music and most of all they hate your friends and your first three boyfriends/ girlfriends. So to compensate for this they don't act like parents, they act like they're your older brother or sister, which means that they let you slide with shit, they'll sometimes hook you up with beer and try to hang out in the same circles as you. All your friends know your mom/ dad by their first name and life is like an episode of Gilmore Girls...
OK, now I know that the age difference between most parents and kids now a days is fairly small (20-25 years) as opposed to before (30-40 years) So I will admit, it is easier to relate to your kids, but that doesn't mean that you should act like a kid. Some one has to be an adult in the house and that someone should not be the person younger than you, So if that "adult" believes that the new world began after the introduction of MTV, it's safe to say that they shouldn't be in charge. If you don't act like an adult, then your kids are gonna want to do a whole bunch of stupid shit that you know isn't a smart move but "YOU WANNA BE COOL" so you let them get away with practically murder. So please DO NOT try to act as if you're the same age as your kid, YOU'RE NOT, so go have your own life, go have your own friends, find a middle ground between being their best friend and being a God and remember, you make the final call on all things relating to your child...
TALKERS: Now we're taught that fighting never solves anything and to a point they're right. Growing up if you misbehaved, you were punished, you didn't like it, you immediately hated your parents for punishing you and you swore never to punish your kids. So instead of grounding them and hitting them, you decide to challenge them emotionally. you reach out to them trying to put yourself in their shoes and understanding what it means to strive as an individual and together you reach an understanding that brings you closer not only as a family but as two people who love and respect one another...
YOU'RE FUCKIN KIDDING ME, RIGHT?
I get that the point of this whole "New Age, I love my kids as I love myself" thing is aimed at creating a peaceful, happy home filled with understanding and shit like that and I agree that really explaining things helps to send a message to your kids but be real, eventually you're gonna reach a point where you have to put foot to ass, and believe me when talking fails, nothing makes a hard simple point like foot to ass, So yes talk to your kids and do explain what they did was wrong and then if they still give you crap, bitchslap 'em but tell the truth: "you're hard on them because you care" They're not going to understand it right away but eventually they will and they might even thank you for it.
OLD SCHOOL: I grew up in a Mexican household which meant simply, "momma ain't having it" and most importantly "Gramma ain't having it either" so it's hit first, hit second, hit third and mmmmaaaybe in two years, ask a question.
I learned fear before I learned to walk, in fact I was so scared on what I'd do to get hit that I crawled for five extra years just in fear for my own life. Why do you think so many Mexicans are sneaking over here: WE TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM OUR MOMMAS and why do you think we're so damn good at sneaking around and crawling into small spaces, porque sabes que we have 10 years of practice... We're so good at hiding that when my mom was looking for me I ran and hid better than Special Forces and Navy Seals Combined...
Anyway, I have one Uncle who's kinda a Giver and one Uncle who's Old School and I'll tell you man, if you got some bratty ass kids, nothing works better than the Old School method, my "OS" Uncle proved this one time as my cousins were in the middle of their bullshit fighting and my Uncle grabbed their video game, took it outside, and smashed it with his foot right in front of them and they stopped like that and I know that it sounds bad and it is but it works.
Obviously to "better" it, just take a lesson from the Talker, hell follow what I said on how to fix a Talker and you should be just fine.
Anyway, I'm sure there's more types of parents but right now I'm drained, so just do this everyone: Love your kids, be there for them, but remember no matter how much you love them, you cannot be afraid to put your foot down and tell them "no!" and they're gonna hate you for it, but its better to be the bad guy than be irresponsible.
WE HAVE COME TO TERMS.........
UNTIL NEXT TIME
-B
Labels: TBF
posted by Marie at 9:26 AM
3 Comments:
The best definition of a Freudian Slip that I've come across is this: it's when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Also, I think I need to take exception to your assertion that the age difference between parents and kids is smaller than in the past. From what I've seen, the general trend through history is for people to wait longer to get married and have kids, a shift that's associated with increasing longevity (if you're expecting to live beyond 30, you can have kids when you're 25 and still plan on being able to raise them).
Okay. I think your general point is valid. If you're going to have kids, you need to set yourself to it fully. No twiddling your thumbs and just hoping that they'll turn out okay. And there's a big issue these days with parents who essentially farm out their parenting to schools and daycare and then wonder why their kids don't understand, respect, or even pay attention to them.
I was raised in a very untraditional home. We homeschooled all the way through high school, I never spent any time in daycare, and I don't think I was EVER hit by my parents. My mother is a very assertive woman, and she took a hands-on approach to raising me and my siblings, but she let us pursue our own interests rather than imposing her will on us. Considering that I turned out to be about as well-adjusted as it is possible to be these days, I have to say that it worked. A big part of why it worked was the fact that we had that family structure - we weren't ever really at odds because we were part of that same social entity, we didn't have school to teach us bad behaviors.
As for my Dad, he's always been something of a kid himself, and at this point our relationship is much more like a friendship, and it works out fine. I see people sometimes who just don't relate to their parents at all, and it just makes me sad. Being a parent has to include the knowledge that someday your kids are going to be adults themselves, and their mistakes and successes will be their own, and you're not going to be in charge of them anymore. At some point you're going to be more or less equals, and raising them in such a way that they'll want to have an amiable relationship with you when they're grown is something to aim for.
I guess, in the long run, what I'm trying to say is that you need to have a hand in your child's development, and yes, you need to be in charge, but you should never forget that your kids are people too. If you're reasonable in your parenting, they'll get it. You want them to respect you? Then you need to be fair, you need to be nonarbitrary, and you need to be there for them when they need you. Remember, some day they'll be choosing your nursing home.
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"THIS WORLD IS CORRUPT!!!!"
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