Brian's Twisted Fairytales_09.29.2008_
I mentioned before about venturing out and trying some new ideas, well here’s one of them… Storytelling!
Growing up these were the stories that helped shape my young mind and I decided to share them all with you so we can keep the tradition alive. So I decided to start off with a classic tale with a Brian Twist.
I now present: “Brian’s Twisted Fairytales”
The Tortoise and the Hare
“Once upon a time”... Or as I was told. “You ain’t gonna believe this shit!”
So you ain’t gonna believe this shit, but down in a little town in Mexico on top of a hill a tortoise stared across the valley onto the mythic land of promise. Staring at the land he one day hoped to go there and find a better life, “Good luck, chump!” yelled from behind as the tortoise’s rival the Hare appeared. “You think that you’re going to the mythic land? Yeah right! Que Sabes nada, look at you, you can barely (I’m sorry, I forgot this was in Mexico…) you cans burly moves your ass.” The tortoise looks at him simply says “Tu Madre, I’m gonna go and I’m gonna make it, watch me.” The Hare looks him up and down and boasts, “Sabes Que, I can beat you, Ese. I’m a go and be like “Sas” (Sas is an interpretation of “Bam”) and I’m a be there before you can blink.” As the debate on who could get there first intensified, they finally decided to see once and for all who was all talk. They agreed to leave from the hilltop at the same time and see who could get there first. “Fine, noon tomorrow, you and me… actually it’ll be you and the visual of mi culo in the distance!” boasted the Hare. “Bring it, Puto” said the Tortoise, with that they left to return to their homes saying goodbye to all their loved ones and preparing for the journey ahead.
Dawn arose the next day and both The Tortoise and The Hare woke up early, ate their hearty meals, said there goodbyes and set out for the hill top. After meeting up on the hill, they took their positions and waited for the go. “Ready. Set. GO!” and as expected the hare took off in a flash, the tortoise not daunted kept his pace and kept walking with a smile on his face, he knew that he was behind but didn’t care, he was finally going to fulfill his dream. But then he also realized that as a Mexican tortoise, his pride was on the line, so he hauled ass as fast as he could. The Hare was leaps and bounds ahead, venturing through the valley, trying to outwit the coyotes, the rattlesnakes, and the I.N.S. trucks and finally he had reached the halfway point and decided to take a nap since he really wanted to rub it in the Tortoise’s face that he was better and so he laid back and fell asleep.
The Tortoise continued on again undaunted and with a level of confidence that couldn’t be shaken for some reason. That reason who come to light about now, hours passed and the Hare finally woke up but when he awoken there where large shadows looming. He soon found himself surrounded by the Tortoise’s cousins: Manuel, Chico, Pepe, Christo and Carlos Alejandro Marquez De La Cruz Sanchez. They then proceeded to kick the Hare’s ass. After a furious beat down Carlos decided to add insult to injury by showing a picture of himself and the Hare’s hot, 20 year old baby sister… Engaging in certain hijinx. They were about to go for round two of the beat down when the Hare realized he needed to book like no tomorrow. The cousin’s couldn’t keep up with the Hare but still had a smile of satisfaction for kicking his ass.
At the same time the Tortoise had passed the Hare and was on his way out of the valley, but the Hare caught up with him, and proceeded to kick the Tortoise’s ass for the beat down he’d received. With the Tortoise laid out, the Hare would again boast that he would always be better, while insulting the Tortoise’s family and kicking the Tortoise in his side to take the wind out of him. There the Tortoise laid, while the Hare continued on laughing at his victory. The Tortoise still laying on the ground looked up into the sky saw a shooting star and wished that he had the strength to continue, then remembered his family, his dream and how far he had come. That inspired the Tortoise, and so he rose up from the ground still with that look of determination and confidence that took him this far, he knew that even with the exit of the valley just yards away, he came too far to give up. So he dusted himself off and continued forward.
The Hare just ahead was laughing at his victory while moving at a brisk pace had just cleared the brush and shrubs and was about to cross when suddenly a spotlight shone on him, soon the Hare found himself surrounded by trucks, with a look of confusion he asked what was going on and soon found himself in handcuffs. The Tortoise just slinking by turned to see his rival being thrown in the back of the wagon and as they gazed at one another, the Tortoise flipped him and waved bye-bye. It seems that Tortoise knew he couldn’t beat him, but he did have the one thing the Hare never had… Brains and a really well connected family. The cousins kept tabs on the Hare the entire time and jumped him when the opportunity presented itself and after letting him get away they called in an tip to the I.N.S. claiming that the Hare was an agent of Al-Qaeda and gave away the location of where the Hare was planning to cross. In all the commotion of Hare’s Capture, no one noticed as the Tortoise continued to slink on by and he left the valley to gaze upon the Mythic land of promise… San Diego, CA!
The Tortoise succeeded in getting his new life and was able to take care of his family back home. So in the end, everyone went on to live happily ever after… except the Hare who was locked away in Gitmo and was violated quite frequently because he was so damn cuddly.
THE END….
Next time on Brian’s Twisted tales… Rapunzel. The story of a beautiful girl with long flowing hair locked away in a tower… In East L.A.
Until Next Time,
-B
Growing up these were the stories that helped shape my young mind and I decided to share them all with you so we can keep the tradition alive. So I decided to start off with a classic tale with a Brian Twist.
I now present: “Brian’s Twisted Fairytales”
The Tortoise and the Hare
“Once upon a time”... Or as I was told. “You ain’t gonna believe this shit!”
So you ain’t gonna believe this shit, but down in a little town in Mexico on top of a hill a tortoise stared across the valley onto the mythic land of promise. Staring at the land he one day hoped to go there and find a better life, “Good luck, chump!” yelled from behind as the tortoise’s rival the Hare appeared. “You think that you’re going to the mythic land? Yeah right! Que Sabes nada, look at you, you can barely (I’m sorry, I forgot this was in Mexico…) you cans burly moves your ass.” The tortoise looks at him simply says “Tu Madre, I’m gonna go and I’m gonna make it, watch me.” The Hare looks him up and down and boasts, “Sabes Que, I can beat you, Ese. I’m a go and be like “Sas” (Sas is an interpretation of “Bam”) and I’m a be there before you can blink.” As the debate on who could get there first intensified, they finally decided to see once and for all who was all talk. They agreed to leave from the hilltop at the same time and see who could get there first. “Fine, noon tomorrow, you and me… actually it’ll be you and the visual of mi culo in the distance!” boasted the Hare. “Bring it, Puto” said the Tortoise, with that they left to return to their homes saying goodbye to all their loved ones and preparing for the journey ahead.
Dawn arose the next day and both The Tortoise and The Hare woke up early, ate their hearty meals, said there goodbyes and set out for the hill top. After meeting up on the hill, they took their positions and waited for the go. “Ready. Set. GO!” and as expected the hare took off in a flash, the tortoise not daunted kept his pace and kept walking with a smile on his face, he knew that he was behind but didn’t care, he was finally going to fulfill his dream. But then he also realized that as a Mexican tortoise, his pride was on the line, so he hauled ass as fast as he could. The Hare was leaps and bounds ahead, venturing through the valley, trying to outwit the coyotes, the rattlesnakes, and the I.N.S. trucks and finally he had reached the halfway point and decided to take a nap since he really wanted to rub it in the Tortoise’s face that he was better and so he laid back and fell asleep.
The Tortoise continued on again undaunted and with a level of confidence that couldn’t be shaken for some reason. That reason who come to light about now, hours passed and the Hare finally woke up but when he awoken there where large shadows looming. He soon found himself surrounded by the Tortoise’s cousins: Manuel, Chico, Pepe, Christo and Carlos Alejandro Marquez De La Cruz Sanchez. They then proceeded to kick the Hare’s ass. After a furious beat down Carlos decided to add insult to injury by showing a picture of himself and the Hare’s hot, 20 year old baby sister… Engaging in certain hijinx. They were about to go for round two of the beat down when the Hare realized he needed to book like no tomorrow. The cousin’s couldn’t keep up with the Hare but still had a smile of satisfaction for kicking his ass.
At the same time the Tortoise had passed the Hare and was on his way out of the valley, but the Hare caught up with him, and proceeded to kick the Tortoise’s ass for the beat down he’d received. With the Tortoise laid out, the Hare would again boast that he would always be better, while insulting the Tortoise’s family and kicking the Tortoise in his side to take the wind out of him. There the Tortoise laid, while the Hare continued on laughing at his victory. The Tortoise still laying on the ground looked up into the sky saw a shooting star and wished that he had the strength to continue, then remembered his family, his dream and how far he had come. That inspired the Tortoise, and so he rose up from the ground still with that look of determination and confidence that took him this far, he knew that even with the exit of the valley just yards away, he came too far to give up. So he dusted himself off and continued forward.
The Hare just ahead was laughing at his victory while moving at a brisk pace had just cleared the brush and shrubs and was about to cross when suddenly a spotlight shone on him, soon the Hare found himself surrounded by trucks, with a look of confusion he asked what was going on and soon found himself in handcuffs. The Tortoise just slinking by turned to see his rival being thrown in the back of the wagon and as they gazed at one another, the Tortoise flipped him and waved bye-bye. It seems that Tortoise knew he couldn’t beat him, but he did have the one thing the Hare never had… Brains and a really well connected family. The cousins kept tabs on the Hare the entire time and jumped him when the opportunity presented itself and after letting him get away they called in an tip to the I.N.S. claiming that the Hare was an agent of Al-Qaeda and gave away the location of where the Hare was planning to cross. In all the commotion of Hare’s Capture, no one noticed as the Tortoise continued to slink on by and he left the valley to gaze upon the Mythic land of promise… San Diego, CA!
The Tortoise succeeded in getting his new life and was able to take care of his family back home. So in the end, everyone went on to live happily ever after… except the Hare who was locked away in Gitmo and was violated quite frequently because he was so damn cuddly.
THE END….
Next time on Brian’s Twisted tales… Rapunzel. The story of a beautiful girl with long flowing hair locked away in a tower… In East L.A.
Until Next Time,
-B
Labels: BTFT
posted by Brian at 11:54 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home